Breaking Through

Recently, I embarked on a residential with quite a few of the young people we're working with at the moment. As part of the fun activities with a bit of deeper meaning, we had enrolled Dragon Dynamics to run an afternoon session, which culminated in Board Breaking. You know what I'm talking about, the karate style chopping of a piece of wood? Right?

Oh, I was burning to do it. Very much unlike the Fire Walk, where I was reluctant and not at all sure if I wanted, should, could, would, ought to do it. Nonono, I've been waiting for this opportunity for a long long time. You may not know this about me, but I used to do kick boxing. And I loved it. In fact, I miss it, that mad outlet of energy, the opportunity to totally exert yourself, test your physical limits, feel the power of your own body, the total focus and presence of mind required (because otherwise you get hurt. Badly).

But of course, it's not just about the board breaking. The board is a metaphor for what hold you back in life, holds you back from doing things you know you should be doing, from making changes, from getting off your backside, from realising your dreams, getting out of a situation that doesn't work for you. It represents the fear that's holding you back, the barriers that you need to push through to make things happen.

Part of the preparation for the board breaking is about identifying these barriers and physically writing them on the board. As you attempt to break the board, you are most literally breaking through your own very personal barrier that's between yourself and realising your goal.

My barrier appeared in a lightbulb moment in the fullest clarity you could hope. And mine was not the only lightbulb moment. There were many, realisations of how communication works and how to take ownership, how to face one's own demons, and the realisation how the metaphor of breaking boards applies to each individual's life, and the importance it place on the breaking of one's very own board. I don't want to go into details - confidentiality and the respect for the young people and their extremely moving realisations tell me this is not the right place for elaborating any further on their realisations.

My very own barrier was significant enough: There was no question about what it would be, it presented itself with all it's impact. There is a fear that is holding me back, and which, so often makes me withdraw in intertia or choose to remain silent when I burn to speak out. It is the fear of not being taken seriously. Maybe this is partly why I blog - my semi-anonymous little bubble is a safe space where it's not about being taken seriously. However, this has changed because my blog is no longer as anonymous as it use to be, I've sort of come out and yes, I'm starting to feel ever so slightly uncomfortable.

I've been thinking about this barrier ever since, and still believe I've truly pinpointed something. It fits, I can find endless examples. While as a younger person, there was lack of confidence holding me back, this has now changed to the fear of not being taken seriously.

So, when I decided it was my turn, I was determined. There was no way it would take me two attempts to break through. This board had to go with a bang.

And a bruise.