Days like this

Sometimes I wonder if I was ever made for this life as a parent. After a day like today, when in spite of doing fun stuff (and giving up trying to work with both around at 10 am knowing this was not one of those days where any work would happen) all day long, it appears that I often can't manage to create an environment where both of them are happy at the same time. This was a day that should have been easy: the sun was out, we were in the park totally going at their pace and doing what they wanted to do. Just that the two wills won't coincide.

So I take turns between the two of them trying to calm, soothe, find out what's wrong, feed, water, try to play, get interrupted by other one screaming, distract, and repeat. Is it me? How come that apparently at nursery, Snowflake is ever calm and happy but at home, she throws one tantrum after another, and half of the time I'm in the dark as to what it's actually about? How come that after 2 years of playing together like the best of friends, they are now like two vicious cats with sibling rivalry unleashed?

 (look, they really love each other!)

If Cubling comes too close to me, say for a cuddle, or even dares sit on my lap, up comes her sister and pushes her off. And she can push now. I mean, she manages to push Cubling off good and proper and sometimes hurts her in the process. There's biting and scratching, slapping and kicking and the ever just under the surface waiting to explode tantrum with full backwards fling onto the floor.

Meanwhile with all the attention going to younger sibling, older sibling gets frustrated and as much as I empathise and try to keep the peace, she starts her whinging and whining show. Interspersed with random, made up singing, recitation of phonemes and generally loud noises. Sometimes it gets to a noise and madness level that I wonder if my child is truly bonkers, as this noise level of random sounds without meaning can't be normal. I don't see other children act like this. Maybe they do, I just don't see it.

Often, it gets to a stage where she is totally in her world, and nothing I say reaches her. Or the opposite is true, a neverending litany of moaning and whinging, noise and sabotage of anything I'm trying to do, while refusing to engage in any meaningful play with me (which I'm told helps to reconnect and get out of such mayhem. It doesn't for us. She never wants to play when she's in this state).

At the end of a day like today, I get the nagging feeling that I really would rather have spent the day in the office, and that, if asked, the girls would most likely rather have spent it at the childminder's. It's most definitely not a nice feeling. More than anything I keep asking myself what on earth I'm doing wrong.

I took pretty pictures though. They may have kept my sanity today. And oh dear, another 3 days of this to get through all by myself. Help.

Temper tantrums, a tooth and banana cake

What I didn't mention in my previous post that all the while I was driving big trucks (ok, small trucks) across Glasgow, I was in agony with toothache. I'm one known for ignoring it but this one, well, there was no ignoring it, even with pain killers. So the following day when I had reached the point of almost starting to scream while at work, I reluctantly got myself to the dentist.

It was neither a pleasant nor interesting visit, but it threw all my work plans haywire, so close to the finishing line with two projects, where I need every available minute, instead I leave the office yet again without having had a chance to have lunch but most importantly I lost a full afternoon because of one useless wisdom tooth that is now no longer with my jaw.

And today, every attempt to catch up on my work was thwarted by a temper tantrum. I thought they'd only happen once the second year is rung in but oh no. I might have had the calmest baby ever but she sure has decided she'll have it her way in toddlerhood.

Funny how things go, my spirited first born never had a single tantrum and we fully expected a very hard ride. In fact at 2 she was the sweetest thing you'd ever met. Snowflake so far has been so easy going that I was sure we'd be the one family that may never experience a temper tantrum. Well, what are kids for but to prove your theories wrong.

It was hard work, me feeling under the weather after yesterday's extraction (or whatever else was up with me) and a 17 month old who doesn't speak, and is getting rather frustrated if she can't have things exactly her way. If Cubling holds an item, she's gotta have it. If she sees food, she's gotta have it (waiting for it to cool? No way jose!), mummy leaving the room to pick something up? Oh no, only if you take me along and carry my full 11kg. And then there are the 379 instances a day where she wants something but totally fails to communicate what this is, instead flings her head back and her body into an arch to start yet another temper tantrum where nothing I offer is good enough. I'm getting quite good at the head-fling-catch which is just as well as she might otherwise actually seriously hurt herself.

Next I'm being told off by almost 5 year old for being cross with her little sister. Correction: I'm not cross, just calmly and firmly explaining why the backwards head throw is not a good idea and doesn't exactly bring her closer to what she wants. Ok, I may have raised my voice when she had the carving knife in her hand but I think that's fair enough.

It's good to have my parenting controlled by Cubling though, keeps me on a straight line. I'm surprised though that she's still so supportive of her little sister, seeing that she's constantly trying to snatch things out of Cubling's hands.

So today is filed under I'm so very glad it's over.
On the plus side, there was a successful trip to a garden centre, two blueberry plants were transferred into their permanent places, and a banana cake was baked. Cubling surprised me again with fabulous pretend play ideas and told me how very much she loves me (which is really and truly unusual, and I'm still totally on a high from that one). I could just pretend all went swimmingly and look how yummy the cake has turned out to be. But that wouldn't quite be me now, would it.