Where I try to be more Zen about it all and fail

Just as a postscript to yesterday's post, no children were harmed. I got loud, and a tad short tempered, but nothing that couldn't be sorted out. It was more a feeling of frustration, and unhappiness how things were turning out. I'm getting better at controlling my frustrations and not shouting, but it's a hard lesson on me.

But Houston, we have a problem anyway.
Yes, part of the problem is sick kids - nothing to be done about that, it needs to be sat out. Just that Cubling was a lot better today and after taking the adapted Cesar Millan mantra/advice from Mwa to make sure there's exercise first to avoid tensions , we did that. Out and about in the woods, totally and utterly child led, our favourite yes-environment, going with the flow, being 100% with her, reflective listening and all the other tick boxes of model parenting. We had so much fun.

What was the reward? Within an hour of being home, a stomping, screaming, shouting, making herself almost sick pre-schooler, a very special performance which I'm sure was audible in the whole of our neighbourhood. Not that I care. Maybe I do a little bit. Why? Because I said that 1hr of TV was enough now and how about preparing dinner now (notice I framed the "no" in positive ways and didn't just say "no").

Jesus Mary and Joseph, where did I go wrong? We sailed, yes sailed, through the "terrible twos". They were cute and adorable twos. Now we have constant whining and whinging, refusal (to eat, to get dressed, to follow any type of simple request, to speak German), defiance, anger, and drama. Drama above all, everything is drama.
Any necessary control is by threats and rewards - the latter works sometimes, the former only if it's a serious threat, and I'm not comfortable using either. I mean, I'd rather not bribe my child into appropriate behaviour.

So here I am trailing parenting sites, trying to find a solution because above all, I do not want to have a relationship with my child which is disrespectful and a constant power contest. I lived through a relationship like that, didn't like it yet couldn't change it. I know how important it is to change this.
I'm even considering parenting courses, if it weren't for the fact that I know the content of them. I know the theory, I practice the theory. It ain't working right now.

This too shall pass, yes maybe, it's just a phase. A bloody long one though and grinding my nerves one too Maybe it's related to baby in house. Maybe she's picking it up from nursery. You see, she's a lovely, funny, if extremely energetic girl, she's not like that really. It's an act, and a flipping annoying one.

While baby has decided to also start whining constantly (which is not an act of course and I worry my head off what's up because she's not a cry baby at all, and if this is really just down to a mild viral infection). Can someone stop the noise please before my head explodes.

Suggestions on how to turn around the drama and making a mother daughter relationship fun again are very much invited (oh and I know the obvious stuff, and we don't do time out because it upsets her too much). After all I want to enjoy this year of maternity leave, the idea is to spend quality time with my kids and I honestly don't know what's up.