The friendliest pumpkin in town

Meet the friendliest pumpkin in town. Because Cubling is scared of, well, almost everything at the moment, particularly scary pumpkin faces. So we made a friendly pumpkin. Success, she goes near it, touches it, even holds it in front of her face. Hurray! This is only the second time I've ever carved a pumpkin and I'm actually rather pleased with the result. Oh and the eyebrows came on the behest of Cubling. Everthing has to have eyebrows at the moment (and moustaches, but understandably I left that one out). A toddler obsessed with facial hair...

And to finish the morning off, we made pumpkin soup. Cubling is the expert onion peeler as you can see. She did actually peel the onion perfectly with her bare hands and a plastic toy knife. And yes, it is safe to let her sit on kitchen worktops beside a knife and a bottle of wine. Oh and excuse the mess.
All ready for tomorrow's party then.

The Great Outdoors - Forest Kindergartens for Glasgow

photo: spiros2004 via Flicker (because I forgot to take my camera)
For about a year now, an idea had been spinning around in my head. It was a business idea, something I felt passionate about. Yet I lacked the confidence in my ability to take it on and implement it. Still it spun around in my head, like a record baby, right round right round. (Oh, I'm showing my age here...)

In Germany, the Scandinavian concept of a forest kindergarten has been gaining massive popularity. And in spite of my deep UK roots, and I mean constant moaning about rain with that, it sparkled my imagination. Forest kindergartens are basically outdoor nurseries, usually for children 3 years and over. Children spend all day outside, whatever the weather. They build shelters, create stuff with what's around them, explore, move, run, discover, roam. You could call it a romantic tree hugging back to nature hippy idea, but in a world where children are so protected from the elements, kept indoors almost all day for fear of a raindrop or some stranger danger, glued to TV and plastic toys, the idea of a forest kindergarten has a very real appeal to me.

And then there's the fabulous Pollok Country Park in the South Side of Glasgow, a massive urban country park with large wooded areas, the river Cart flowing right through it. A place I go for walks, for runs, for enjoying one of the most amazing art collections of the UK (the Burrell collection), for visiting Pollok House and Gardens, for it's activities and general beauty. The park where I had my allotment for 5 years. I can't think of a better venue for a forest kindergarten.

I never followed my idea up because I have no Early Years related qualification and because I'm not a risk taker. I have a good and exhilerating job, nothing anyone would give up easily for a insecure existence and a little venture. Ok, some people would, but not me.

Then I came across this.
I mean, can you believe it? There's two mums who have this idea of setting up a forest kindergarten in Pollok Country Park and they just did it????
Wow. I'm jealous. You guys stole my idea! And I'm excited of course. There's a real forest kindergarten at my doorstep! And there's even media coverage hot off the press! Apparently, there was something on the Scottish news yesterday, which we missed, doh. Strangely, I missed all the publicity and it was only through my German connections (the Glasgow Goethe Institute who I used to work for) that I found out about it.

So today, I took the afternoon off and visited the woodlands outdoor kindergarten in action with Mr Cartside. Of course, there's no better time to get a flavour of it than autumn. It was wet, but not pouring. The leaves kept us dry, the colours of autumn were beyond words, and we watched the kids build swings, listen to stories under a tarpaulin, use the roots of an overturned tree as a shoot, build dens, and generally climb over fallen trees. No doubt that Cubling would love this, and would finally have a proper outlet for her neverending energy. And yes, I forgot to take my camera. Shame that, but there are lots of images on their website.

The outdoor kindergarten only started three weeks ago and at present, there are 4 to 7 children each day. They don't have a partnership registration yet, so funding for early years provision (in Scotland that means 12.5 hours per week are free for 3 and 4 year olds) isn't available. The children tend to attend 1-2 days and spend the rest of the time in another nursery where they get the funded hours. This works well because particularly for the younger children, more than 2 full days outdoors, with long walks to and from the base, may be bit much.

My initial idea that Cubling could spend the full 4 days a week in the forest kindergarten from when she turns three may not be practicable. Apart form it being tiresome, especially at the start, I don't want to lose out on the funded hours - so that would mean finding a nursery that would take her for the other 2 days. The difficulty is that nurseries are oversubscribed and we currently use a childminder, and if you haven't had your child in a nursery from before 2 years, it's unlikely you will get a place at all. Of course we'll try, no question about it.

Above all, I'm giddy with excitement at this fabulous opportunity, and I can't thank the two parents who set it up enough for getting their act together (unlike me). Here's to nature kindergartens!

Is there a forest/nature kindergarten near you? Have you got any experience or opinions on it? Would you send your child to one?

I happy now!

(photo by D3 San Francisco via flickr.com)

We are driving home from the childminder. The short 10 minute drive is filled with relentless whining and whinging. Cubling is tired from a night filled with nightmares, where cuddly bears turned to vicious monsters, and a long day.

"I want go Spielplatz". "Nein, das geht nicht, es ist schon dunkel und viel zu spaet!" (I want to go to the swing park - no we can't, it's dark already and too late) "I want see George!" (she must fancy him. Every single day she wants to visit George. When she does visit, she doesn't play with him, doesn't even look at him. True love...) "I want go einkaufen!" When my third "nay" ensues, she starts bawling. And I feel for her. Three fun ideas, and no success. Frustration exasperated by a wound up state of tiredness.

10 minutes aren't long but they turn to eternity after a long and busy day at work, which followed a very broken night's sleep due to toddler nightmares. Almost at home, I plead, with an attempt at authority in my voice "Please stop crying now." She stops. I breathe. Space to think. An idea. "How about, we go to the shop to buy a pumpkin?" A smile, growing. Eyes lighting up and glowing with anticipation. "Yeah!"

We drive off to the shop. Cubling announces: "I happy now!"

How to publish a charity book

I have to giggle at the title of this post. You see, a while back, I had this ingenious idea of publishing a hat knitting and crochet book for charity. I was sure to make millions with it all for a very good cause, which would be Save the Children. Honestly, I thought my idea was fabulous and I'd come out the expert on how to publish a charity book.

Actually, I still think it's a reasonably good idea. And, as a third sector employee who is constantly whipped to do monitoring and evaluation and come up with reports of learning (euphemism for stuff that went wrong and how to do it better next time), let's have a go at my "learning" over the last six months.

I learned that it is a lot of work pulling together a book. Fortunately there were some weeks where my workload was low and I had the flexibility to work on the book. I would never have managed it in my own time. Now that my workload is crushing, it's almost impossible to move anything on. If I look at current sales, there is no way that the money made from A Hat in Time will justify the amount of time I put into its creation.

Then there's Lulu. Yes, the idea of an ebook was kind of ok, no risk, no initial outlay cost etc. Just that people don't want ebooks. I've sold about 15 so far which is meagre. I mean, it's really not good enough. To be fair, there's nothing lost with this approach so I try not to get upset about it. What I do moan about though is the online tool for publishing a Lulu book. For one, it's complicated. I still haven't figured out tax implications, ISBN etc for the promotion package (with which you can distribute the book on Amazon) and while it's affordable, I'm shying away from it because I just don't get it. Secondly, the online editing tool separates out the cover from the rest, so you have to submit various pdf files, and it's not clear if the cover has 4 or 2 or 1 page(s) so it took me a full day's work just to transfer the print ready pdf file into the Lulu pdf. I cursed a lot. And I think it's still not perfect but I can't be bothered anymore. Above all, the cover only allows use of Lulu templates. This is rather annoying because I have a beautiful cover, nicely branded with Save the Children, and I can't transfer it into this template. Above all, the title now appears on top of a photo so is hardly legible. This is not how I had wanted it, but the best that Lulu templates allow me to do.

Much easier was the process for publishing on Ravelry. I just published my lovely pdf file and done. Disadvantage: I have to deal in US$, which is subject to exchange rate fluctuation. However, Ravelry takes almost no commission and it was such an easy process that I've got nothing but praise for them. Sales figure: 2 so far. Not good.

After all my attempts of promoting the ebook, I had 17 sales. And lots of people asking me for a physical copy. It became clear that in spite of technology, internet and global warming, people still very much prefer a physical book to a pdf file, even if it's for charity, even if the ebook makes a higher profit.

So I then looked into a physical print run. I got about 20 quotes from local printers and the story is simple: If you print 1250 or 2500, cost per copy is less than one pound, if you print under 500, cost per copy is about 7-10 pound. Considering that I can't expect to sell a copy for more than 7.50, and that I can't expect to sell that many, this is not a good situation. I don't have the 3K or more needed for a large print run, plus the risk is too high (I may not sell enough to break even). The lower quantity print run doesn't make a profit. I tried to offer pre-ordering to finance a large print run, but again, not enough copies sold (lost count, but I don't think it was more than 25).

Well, I did finally find one printer who made me a decent offer - one where I can print on demand for a cost per copy which allows about 50 % of profit. Believe it or not, this was the only offer I got at all where I would make a profit for a print run below 500 copies. Hurray. And they're even a carbon neutral company, how good is that! Just that we've had a few glitches with the artwork, proofs, and generally missing each other due to workload, so I still don't hold the book in my hands. However, the main thing is, in about 2 week's time at the latest, there will be a physical book. It'll be lovely. It'll make profit. And I can have more printed if I run out. What more can I ask for? Well, sales. And more sales. The physical book will be available through the website, and also through Amazon, thanks to the support of my friend Natalie who is an Amazon Marketplace seller and found a way of selling A Hat in Time without a book distribution package (Note: If you follow the Amazon link, the price will come down soon as we're still experimenting with the listing).

I embarked on this adventure partially because I was keen to find out about online publishing. I have a few book ideas in my head and wanted to see the business case for them. What I can see now is that a) full colour books published on Lulu cost more to the buyer than they are likely to dish out and are not generally a good idea. b) Some traditional avenues work better than online promotion. For example, k1 Yarns have kindly offered to sell the book in their shops and already they've had a massive interest in it. I'm sure the book would have sold well at the Save the Children volunteer days over the last two weeks - had I had a physical copy. Books are still a traditional medium and ebooks, well, don't work. Or at least it didn't work for me. I also find the whole ISBN and distribution package for Amazon so mindbogglingly complicated (mainly because Lulu is a US company) that I really don't fancy going down this way - a way which may lead to decent sale numbers.

Now, with the Christmas season about to descend upon us, I hope that sales will pick up. What better Christmas stocking filler can there be for a knitter than this wonderful collection of 37 hats to knit and crochet, aka A Hat in Time? Ah go on, why don't you get one?

Tolo Toys Review

Have you heard of the Tolo Toys range? I hadn't so far, so I was pleased to be sent the Safari Girl to review.

When it arrived, I gave it straight to Cubling. She played with it a little and then moved on. Not wanting to give in easily, I let my nephew have a go. Cubling had no problem sharing. Nephew was keen, tried out all the features and was done 30 seconds later, announcing "I'm finished, Cubling can have it back".

To be fair, that's a 2 1/2 year old verdict. And it was for just playing with the safari girl on her own. I'm pretty sure that the reaction from a 1 year old would be very different, but it does say 1-5 years on the box, and one thing is clear, our 2 1/2 year olds aren't big time into it. Of course this may be different if they had a whole set of Tolo Toys, where they could use their imagination and actually act out scenes. After a quick browse on the internet to see what kind of sets there are, I realised that Tolo Toys aren't exactly cheap as chips.

What does the safari girl do? It's brightly coloured, has a camera and you can turn bits of her body, like put the head facing backwards, her pony tail forwards and the arms and legs in funny positions. And there's a squeaky button on her tummy to do a belly button squeak. When you turn her body parts, it clicks - a nice loud click which I'm sure would delight a 6-18 month old. It doesn't sit unsupported and the camera obstructs the movement of the left arm which is a bit of a shame.

Verdict: Great for a one year old or even younger, potential for 2 year olds if puchased in a set or in context of a playhouse or similar environments. On the higher price range for toys. Sturdy and quality construction. Made from plastic. Would I buy it? Definitely not for my 2 1/2 year old. Would I be happy to buy it for a one year old? Yes. Compared to say the Little People range they offer more activity with the actual figures, they are bigger and would definitely inspire a child's imagination. Of course, you'd probably also spend about three times as much on the set.

If you're interested, you can find out more here.

and then, to make it all better again:

We're sitting at the dinner table after a late return from our weekend. Just Cubling and I.
"Kuscheln, mummy" she says out of the blue (let's cuddle), "kuscheln on mummy's leg", she elaborates. "Du moechtest auf Mami's Schoss kuscheln? Ja klar." (you want to cuddle on mummy's lap? Sure). I take her out of her ill fitting high chair and we assume cuddling position.

"My hand in there" she demands, wanting to make sure her right hand is behind my back, for a good and proper cuddle. Then, "I you lieb dich. Mummy, I you lieb dich."

I'm smitten. "I besser now" in Cubling's words. How could I not be?
(NB: this was a first. She's never said this unprompted before)

of triggers and spirals

Yesterday, in spite of a post that desperately tried to cling on to the positives, something triggered a downward spiral. Those spirals are strange things that can happen to people, and fortunately I don't get them very often. Even in times of bitter and deep sadness and grief, where days hold wells of tears, they don't necessarily take me down that dark and unpleasant place that one particularly strong spiral made me visit yesterday.

It made me wonder about the significance of triggers, and the underlying causes. Not that I'm any wiser. It's as if there is no reason I can put my finger on, all I have is knowledge of the trigger. With a day's distance and being back in control of the eye taps (at least most of the time), it's clear that the trigger was mainly that. This makes it more complicated because of the outburst of anger that followed the trigger. This cannot be ignored and it will revisit me. I lost controll and don't even regret it. At the same time I don't want to revisit before it's back on the balancing board.

What it felt like yesterday was more than unpleasant. A feeling of a world collapsing, the worthlessness of all my strive, the inability to see any light. Mr Cartside tried his best to alert me to the negativity that kept streaming out of me, in an attempt to stop the flow, and to try and divert it to the positive. But all I felt was negativity and I could not, would not divert it, could not focus on the positive. Something had shook me at the core of who I thought I am, spitting on it, and telling me that it was all but an illusion.

For as much as I analysed the trigger, I can't find the underlying reason, other than the implications of the trigger which go something along the line of lack of trust, potential of exploitation and lack of acknowledgement. Why this tickled my funny bone, I don't know. Normally I would stand firmly above this and confidently and sensibly defuse the situation. This time, my fuse blew.

The day was completed on autopilot, neverending activity, the comfort of the usual drag of end of day housework. Cubling wanted to play hide and seek. Mummy wasn't playing. I should have felt bad about this, yet I didn't. There was no trace of fun or smiles left, instead clear reluctance to engage with anyone, even my beloved little girl.

The fascinating bit is that this hole is unimaginable from the perspective of my normal being, it is so far removed, it turns me into an entirely different person. This is what depression and mental illness must be like for many a lot of the time, the lack of understanding of the profoundity experienced when interacting with other people and inability to escape the power of the mind. Let me be clear - I'm not clinically depressed, never have been, and I take comfort out of knowing that I will feel better soon. This is a mere visit of the dark side, I am very lucky in this respect.

For now, I seem to have managed to get out of the quicksand at the bottom of the pit, and I have a feeling it will take me a little while yet, lots of rows of knitting and a few more teary outbursts to lift myself out of it and return to normal.

Now all I need to decide is whether to click "post" or not. The argument for posting is that in better times I'd be able to look back at what this feels like, and with me, others who may be in the same state I am in. The hope that analyising brings clarity and healing. The argument for not posting would be that I'd be seen as a drama queen, not being taken seriously, making myself vulnerable when I already am. The knowledge that I'll have to defend posting this if I do hit the post button. The knowledge that I'm being defensive already. That wretched defensiveness that is my shadow.

I feel I've hit a button. No, not that one. Yet.

This is what makes it all worthwhile...

Have a look at this. Our new Global Panel member. And look at the comments of support, they made me almost greet. You know, like normally on such comment pages of newspapers, you get all kind of dafties saying stupid things. Not here, no no no. It warms my heart to see so much support and determination.

Go Gary go, we're so glad to have you on board!

Wordless Wednesday: This season

Mummy go aeroplane Belfast. Back tonight. In the meantime, some Scottish autumnal beauty before it's all gone:

Part 2: Video Blogging 101

Second in line of my 3 part series on social media is a fool proof video blogging 101.

The great thing to start with is that most stuff I covered in the podcasting 101 still applies. So it would be a good idea to read that post first for basic rules on content.

What Odeo is for podcasting, Youtube is for video blogging. The advantage of using Youtube (or any other video platform for that matter) is that it's externally hosted, yet you can embed the video in your blog which makes it appear as if it actually is on your blog. Another advantage is that youtube offers channels which you can link to on your blog, you can create playlists to share etc. Have a look at my own youtube widget where I share films that young people I worked with made. Some of them are on my own youtube channel, some of them on my favourites list.

Search engines love videos. If you have a video on your blog, it'll get more readers. A video can also really promote something, including a cause, if on youtube. Then there's the viral thing. That means that people pass on video they like. It happens more than with any other media. The video blogging (just like the micro blogging market) is growing and there's no sign of an end to this growth.

So really, to be hip and happening in social media, and blogland, you should use video. And why not have a go at it, as a one off, and see if it works for you?

Here's the technical bit:
You need:
1. a camera. A webcam can do this job. The Mercedes Benz version is a Flip camera (for which Supermummy Mumpreneur currently has a competition running, but you can't win it because I want it). They will set you back £70-£150. But they are so cool. Foolproof to use, stylish and they produce high quality videos. Your camera should have an inbuilt microphone, so no need for anything else.

2. editing software. Windows Movie Maker is a likely software that you may already have on your computer and it's all you need. It's intuitive and easy to use. I use Adobe Premiere Elements which supports more formats and also is a bit more stable - that's because I do HD stuff from a camcorder. Windows Movie Maker is perfectly sufficient for video blogging needs.

3. watch your file format. Your editing software may create one file format and youtube will only accept other file formats. Check this out and if you need to convert, google for free downloadable software that does just this. Make sure to read user reviews before installation - you want something easy and virus free.

That's it, off you go.

Now you can look for content. Video blogging often uses simple formats. The blogger talking to the camera. The blogger interviewing someone. The blogger demonstrating something. It's not rocket science!

It's ok to have a rough edge. You're not looking for perfection, some pauses, ehm and ahs make for authenticity and are fine. You don't need a tripod but you can use one if you prefer. However, avoide swaying the camera constantly and too quickly. That'll make your viewer dizzy.

Try to have the light facing your object. That way everything is lit.

Always check recording before you call it a day.

As with podcasting: give a bit of context, who are you? where are you? what's that noise? Make it personal: what do you think, feel?

Editing:
To edit your video files, you need to first import them to your computer. Create a folder for this to keep them in one place. Plug in the camera, import using Camera and Scanner Wizzard.
Next: Open Windows Movie Maker. Then select Import Video. Drag it into the bottom bar. Import as many individual file as you need to make up your full video. Then click "Show Timeline"

You can now edit individual files, edit how they come together, you can add music, titles, subtitles, transitions, and much more. After every change, replay to make sure you're happy with your edit.

When you're done, save movie (you may want to open the dialog for more choices and select Video for Broadband).

Now upload your video to youtube (using lots of tags so it's picked up in search engines) and get the embed code (usually beside the video when it's playing). Add the code to your blogpost, or as an element/widget to your side bar. That's it, all done. Stand in awe and admire.