Timely

A sleepless night, constant thoughts about the 5 weeks ahead of us and still nowhere near to putting it into words. The looming question is this: How can we make Christmas special for our children, when it is filled with grief, loss, a massive hole. I waiver between trying to gather the strength to make the festive season as special as it should be, against all odds, until the energy to carry it through deserts me again.

Of course, it will not be easy, who ever said life would be easy? Yet for the sake of the children who do not know or understand death and loss, who only know what they have, not what they've lost, do we not owe them to let them partake in the magic of Christmas?

And can the day someone died be separated from the date? Does it matter which date the anniversary happens to fall, can we ignore that it is Christmas Day? (of all the frigging days of the year, did it have to be Christmas Day? And then again, is it not insignificant which day it was because what's really frigging bad is that he's gone?)

There are no easy answers, I've had almost a year to figure it all out and did not. Instead, there are ever more questions, the only constant being uncertainty. I simply don't know what is best - not for me, but for all those around me whom I love.

I'm only even posting this thanks to Linda at You've got your hands full. Her post on bereavement and children made me realise that at least, I should be trying to put my confused mind into some words, without flooding the keyboard yet again. Because, if you like it or not, we will all experience grief at some point in our life, as much as we try to ignore death. I feel I've had my share, with a friend dying when I was 15, another when I was 19, my mum when I was 32. But nothing has been as hard coming to terms with as the last year following the sudden and unexpected passing of my brother in law.

If you or you're children have been affected by bereavement, Linda has brought together an impressive range of online resources which I wish had been there 11 months ago. I can't thank Linda enough for this, and I'm sure it will be extremely helpful to lots of people. To be honest, there's nothing as comprehensive online as collated in her post. It's been a long time coming and I feel a little bit guilty that I never had the courage to do it myself. Well, I don't feel guilty now, because it's out there now, and that's all that matters. So thank you Linda.

Timely

Christmas Toy Appeal

Last year, I support the toy appeal of the Glasgow Campaign to Welcome Refugees. One simple blog post led to an amazing success, I was inundated with presents for some of the most vulnerable children in Glasgow - so many that half of my office was taken up by the generosity of a handful of people who donated such quantities of toys and other useful items. I was truly moved by it all, even though I struggled to actually deal with the sheer quantity of donations.

At the time, it was one last chance I saw to contribute to a bit of a helping hand to the people I had been working with, in the knowledge that my new field of work would be very different. Not less rewarding, of course, just that I'd met such inspiring people when working with asylum seeking and refugee children and parents, and to put it simply, I really and truly enjoyed my work, even though at times the suffering that goes with the refugee experience cannot be left at work when you close the office door and go home.

You may have guessed it, it's this time of the year again and the Glasgow Campaign to Welcome Refugee has launched this Festive Season's Toy Appeal. And yes, I'd like to ask my readers once again to open up their hearts to the children who've been through hell and back, having been persecuted in their home lands, who had to pack their lives into a bag they can carry in search of sanctuary, and maybe, just maybe, a new home. Nobody told them about the weather in Scotland I'm sure, or that they will be housed in Europe's highest high rises, that they will have to suffer abuse by those who fear that they are a threat to the little they have themselves.

I've been to houses of families where there was no more than one toy. If you've got to survive on 70% of income support (or less as is proposed) and you have to pay for regular trips for the whole family to Croydon to present your case from that little money, there simply is nought spare for toys.

So please, if you can, donate a new or nearly new toy or one of these items:
- educational and fun toys for younger children
- clothes for younger children
- goodie bags for babies (cream, shampoo, wipes etc)
- items for older kids, such as t-shirts, sweatshirts, trendy clothes
- games toys and sport items for older kids
- hats, gloves, scarves, socks etc for young teenagers
- gift tokens for books / music shops (units of 5 quid are best)
There tends to be a shortage of gifts for teenagers, so these are particularly welcome.

If you want to do more:
- tell your friends, neighbours, family and colleagues
- circulate this message by email, on your blog, retweet on Twitter etc
- collect toys etc yourself

Now for the nitty gritty detail:
I'm based in Glasgow during the week and weekends in Clackmannanshire. My ability to collect is limited, but I do travel across Glasgow a lot from work so it may be possible. If you want to donate, it would help if you could drop donations off or send gift tokens (if you're not in Scotland, please make sure you send gift tokens for shops that exist in Glasgow - if in doubt, just ask). Please leave a comment with your email address or email me directly to arrange a suitable time and place, my email is blog at cartside dot co dot uk.

Please don't wrap presents for health and safety reasons. You can provide wrapping paper if you like.
Please donate only new or nearly new items.

If you want to contact the Glasgow Campaign to Welcome Refugees directly, their email address is glascamref at gmail.com

Thanks You!

Christmas Toy Appeal

Letter from Santa

I've been contacted by the NSPCC asking me to tell my readers about their annual Christmas ‘Letters from Santa’ fundraising campaign. The NSPCC is a fabulous and much needed lifeline for so many children in the UK. Working for another children's charity (one of the competitors so to say, but we're not competitve when it comes to safeguarding children) I can only do my best to encourage you to take part in this lovely campaign. For the record, I'm not getting anything for this, I really think it's a lovely initiative which helps raise funds for a very worth while charity, one that I've been supporting financially for years.

Their press release explains it all very neatly, so I'll be cheeky (you see, I'm frantically knitting at the moment) and just copy the relevant bits:

The NSPCC’s Letter from Santa fundraising initiative gives parents, grandparents and anyone else the chance to nominate someone special to receive a magical letter from Santa for a suggested donation of £5. The letter is personalised with the child’s name and age and is sure to confirm that Santa will be making his usual stop in the child’s home town to wish everyone a merry Christmas. The letter is written in a hand script font and is beautifully illustrated on quality colourful paper. The envelope shows that it’s been safely delivered through ‘express Rudolph Mail’.

Fundraiser Binita Patel said: “Letter from Santa is a brilliant way to put an extra twinkle into Christmas this year and make a child feel extra special. The appeal also helps us to raise money to support children who are perhaps not as fortunate.“

“It is important to remember that Christmas is not a time of celebration for every child. Over the 12 days of festive cheer last year, ChildLine – a service provided by the NSPCC - counselled over 3,500 children who were in danger or distress and had nowhere else to turn. By supporting this appeal you will be helping to provide support, advice and protection for these children who are in desperate need of help.”

Also on offer is a Baby’s First Christmas letter from Santa, which is the perfect keepsake for newborns celebrating their first festive season.

To order a letter from Santa for a child you know, visit http://www.nspccwishes.org.uk/ or call 0845 839 9304.

Letter from Santa

looking for creativity

The last few weeks were full of pressure at work and trying to get 100 and one things done in the evening. I slept little, stayed up late. Every night I planned to squeeze in some creative time, some knitting, sewing and felting (the latter thanks to Betz White's Felt and Stitch Holiday which I'd taken part in). Each night, I failed. Yes, I did do some creative work with my photos and produced some amazing photo books and calendars, which I do count as creative work. I did follow the felt workshop and discovered new techniques, yet failed to make time to implement them. Try I did, succeed I did not.

Erica over at Little Mummy recently posted and interesting pyramid of needs and while I don't subscribe to the rather radical theory, it was clear that my head wasn't free to make mind time for crafting. It was frustrating. My approach has always been that all my crafting has to be enjoyable and not a chore - so I went with the flow. Last night, at last, the urge came back properly and within a day, I completed a knitting project. It was triggered by a visit to K1Yarns' Glasgow shop. For anyone who doesn't know K1Yarns, it's a top notch yarn shop, with one shop in Edinburgh and one in Glasgow. The owner very kindly agreed to sell the print copy A Hat in Time without any commission and the reason for my visit was the delivery of a batch of books. In the shop, there were knitted tea cozies on display and amazing books on knitting and sewing caught my eye. Torn between 3 books, this one on Japanese Zakka (home style) sewing inspired me, ending up home with me along some wonderful knitting yarn:
There I was, frantically trying to source linen fabric, my head full of ideas, buzzing as it hadn't been in a long time. That very evening, I started to knit a tea cozy which I've just about finished (bar the finishing, excuse the pun). The feel of the yarn running through my fingers felt good beyond words, the pleasure of the texture created so satisfying. The joy of having found the right idea for someone special this Christmas. Thinking of the person while knitting it and which tea pot the cozy may keep warm.

It made me ponder how in spite of the sewing inspiration and the felting workshop, with all the materials lying about, I'd defaulted again to knitting. I feel at home knitting, unlike sewing and felting. I'm determined to become at home at least with sewing because somehow I feel it's meant to be, as my paternal family made their living from it. I can boast a father who can sew and cross stitch like you wouldn't believe it, having picked it up from his mum and aunt who were seamstresses and who were the sole breadwinners in the postwar years, with a fiance fallen in the Great War and a husband (my grandfather) injured in the Second World War. My father never was a great teacher, and while picked up knitting from my Mum, never did I do more than watch my Dad sew and stitch.

Sewing, for me, is something I still aspire to enjoy and get good at, because it's a family thing, a tradition, it should somehow be in my genes and there's pride in it too. Pride that my paternal grandparents were crafts people, a seamstress and a bricklayer, one to make homes, the other to make clothes and mend. A perfect combination, and considering I'm rather far removed from bricklaying, at least I want to do my father and his mother and aunt proud.

While for this weekend, I'll keep to knitting, hopefully next week will have some sewing in store at long last.

looking for creativity

Social Media 101 Part 3: Create your own social network

So you know how to podcast and how to videoblog? Well, it's time to put it all together. Did you know over 80% of the UK population is on Facebook? For young people it's even closer to 90%. I find this rather amazing. Bebo is particularly popular as a social media site amongst young people in Scotland, and the trend is upwards. As is the use of mobiles, videoblogging and twitter of course.

To put it simply, we're all on Facebook. Of course this is simplifying things and there are people who don't access Facebook for a number of reasons, but it's still breathtaking to look at the statistics. Facebook, Bebo and MySpace are open social networks, the idea being that anyone can join, and it facilitates to accumulate lots of friends, or to be a part of lots of groups.

Now, for some situations, that's a bit to wide and not suitable. You may be looking for a topical network, one where all the members share an interest. Which is not about linking the world, but linking people around an issue, an interest, a theme. Enter: Ning. Ning is a platform that offers bespoke social networks. Effectively, it offers you to set up your very own social network and you have full control over who can join and who can't. You can determine privacy settings, layout, you can even moderate every single contribution to it.

Why would you want to do it? Well, for example if you work with young people and want to make sure that they use social media in a safe environment. Then look at British Mummy Bloggers: One idea, almost 800 members, and what a vibrant network! Of course, in the case of BMB, everyone can join who considers themselves a parent blogger, it's not closed in that sense. It does focus on one theme though and allows people to connect around that theme. Another favourite example of mine in Ooooby (out of our own back yards), an international ning site that connects people who grow their own veg in the small or big spaces available to them. You can find out about local farmers markets where you are, ask food growing questions, share seeds and saplings, and set up your own groups (I set up a Scotland group). Again, everyone can sign up and there's no moderation of activities. Towards Transition Glasgow is another network I'm part of, it's a Transition initiative - and Transition initiatives are always very local. A closed social network is ideal for a local initiative because it offers that focus.

Savvy Chavvy is an example of a successful closed Ning site. It's by and for young Gypsy/Travellers in the UK. Amazingly, it must have filled a void because thousands of young Travellers are on it - I didn't even realise there were that many young Gypsy/Travellers in the UK! Only young Gypsy/Travellers are allowed in, and there are some mechanisms to make sure that this is upheld. It works because it has created a save space which is exclusive, and because the Gypsy/Traveller identity is something that binds people across the UK together.

Ning offers all the features you would expect from a social network site. You can blog, you can share photos, videos, podcasts. There is a forum and you can set up groups. Each user has their own profile page which they can customise. You can make friends within your network. There is a poll tool, you can broadcast (or email) all the members, you can moderate every contribution or decide not to. It comes with an ever growing number of widgets. Above all, it's entirely free! Well, the free version has rather annoying google ads in it, but if that bothers you, you can get rid of ads for a reasonable monthly fee. The best thing is that you can set it up in a matter of minutes. And then play around with the layout for months. The options are endless, but you don't HAVE to use all the options. Simply does it too. Ning rocks, no question about it.

I set up a Ning site which is linked to the work I'm doing. It's fully moderated and membership is by invitation only. We've set the highest level of security because the users on it are young people and we want to keep them 100% safe. The big question is whether the restrictions will put them off, because it's counter intuitive in a social media context where everything is open and instant, where you don't wait for your blog post or photo to be approved by someone who works 9-5 Monday to Thursdays. Time will tell. I'm having fun with it, that's for sure!

Social Media 101 Part 3: Create your own social network

Review: Jo Whiley: My World in Motion

This is a long overdue review of Jo Whiley's autobiography My World in Motion

It's long overdue because, bottom line, it didn't manage to excite me and it took me ages to finish it (I wouldn't write a book review without actually reading it you see). Now, I'm a seasoned music fan (I used to spend a large proportion of my dosh on records, then CDs and gigging). I was interested in finding out a bit more about Jo Whiley, and that's why I agreed to review the book.

However, there's the thing with autobiographies: They are mostly written by people who, to be fair, aren't fandoodletastic writers. I read because I enjoy a good read. A really good read. There's few autobiographies that I've profoundly enjoyed reading, Joe Simpson's Touching the Voidis one of them.

You can get my gist, can't you? I didn't particularly enjoy reading Jo Whiley's autobiography. It was mildly interesting, it's clear she's a lovely person and has had an exciting life, and what's more, she is a success story for managing to combine being a mum of four, a loving wife, and a very successful business woman. Her life is interesting, yes, but the bottom line is, I'd rather listen to the music she talks about than read her autobiography.

Of course, if you generally enjoy reading autobiographies, I'm sure this one will be for you. I don't want to put you off, I'm sure that for a celebrity autobiography, it's written superbly. It's just not for me.

Review: Jo Whiley: My World in Motion

Childcare vouchers: keep them or lose them?

Childcare is giving me sleepless day, er nights. Once again. This time it's nothing to do with me or Cubling, well, at least not directly, but the issue is all the more important.

The Labour government, in an attempt to encourage mums to work (and I won't go into the pros and cons of that, but check out Being a Mummy for some useful insights), introduced tax credits and childcare vouchers to ease the burden of childcare. There's also some half measure of free childcare which is rather useless and doesn't really ease the financial cost of having kids while also working.

Now, the government is proposing to phase out childcare vouchers. I take issue with this. While I understand the spirit of it, I still don't think it's a good idea as the proposal stands. Here's the problem: There is actually a significant gap in support for childcare costs. In the case of a two parent family, if one partner works and the other is in training or education that does not qualify for Educational Maintenance Allowance, the couple cannot claim for working parent tax credits. Both parents have to be in work to claim working parents tax credits. I am in such a situation, unable to claim the childcare element of working parents tax credits because my other half is in postgraduate education. So while only I can only take advantage of the tax relief through childcare vouchers (if two parents are employed, the advantage is doubled to 100 pounds a month), it is still so much better than nothing (i.e. the amount I can claim through the childcare element of working parentstax credit).

Childcare vouchers are therefore the only way of getting some tax relief on the soaring cost of childcare, childcare which in this country is heavily privatised. Just compare the cost: in some countries childcare is free, in others it may put you down between 100 and 200 quid. Here it's at least 600 full time. What do you do if you have to children under 5? Maybe there are people out there with an income that would leave some spare, but surely this is rare.

Granted, most training providers may have some support available. But many don't. So for instance, there's the mum who wants to do an NHS training, her partner is on a very low income but working full time, and the NHS does not provide any support at all to cover her childcare costs. She will not be able to undertake the training, thus limiting her chances of future employment and moving beyond the poverty line. Then there is a young parents who is offered a basic and non-certified course at a college, a course that may re-engage him/her with education and with time lead to him/her undertaking a course leading to a qualification. A parent who, as her/his situation is, is extremely unlikely to become economically active without this access course, but who wants to, and is offered an opportunity to gain new skills and over time, qualifications and the hope of employment. It won't happen because the college cannot offer childcare and without childcare, the parent can't take advantage of the course offered.

Childcare vouchers and childcare support for parents in training are two ways of enabling parents to have choices. I do believe that childcare vouchers for parents on high incomes, especially if they are in the higher rate tax bracket, are unnecessary. However for those on low and middle incomes, they are more often than not a lifeline.

What's more, the system of available support for childcare is complex and hard to understand. If a child tax credit form does my educated head in, and it takes me a full working day to research support options available to the woman who contacted me (and I have the advantage of being in exactly the same situation as her, so I had some considerable previous knowledge), how hard must it be for the many most in need of support for childcare costs.

Whatever the new proposal is going to be, I'd like to see a shift of focus to ensure those in need of childcare for any form of education, training and employment that is suitable for them to get adequate financial support, and that life choices and chances are not ever determined by the ability to afford childcare or to understand and complete tax credit forms.

PS: Polly Toynbee put it much better than me in the Comment is free section of the Guardian: "But to pay for their (the most deprived two year olds) care by abolishing childcare vouchers (...) would mean that not very well-off mothers would pay to alleviate the plight of toddlers of even worse-off mothers."

Childcare vouchers: keep them or lose them?

The day of lanterns

While this blog has been silent, we've been busy. To celebrate St Martin's Day in style, I'd brought lantern making equipment from Germany and last week saw us putting it together. What was meant to be fun ended in tears. The lantern was a bit difficult to make, and Cubling's fingers kept interfering at the wrong time at the wrong place. I was frustrated, so was she. Eventually, I gave in, let her cut into paper and make her own stuff (she used the scales of the mermaid to make a door and a door handle, which I was rather impressed with), and I finished off the lantern after her bedtime.

Next morning, her first sentence was "where's my Laterne?", and le voila, there it was, all done!
She was delighted, and I think she believed she had in fact made it herself. That's what counts, right?

Yesterday was the big day. Cubling's first Laternenumzug. We managed to just about sneak into the University Chapel before it all started, and luckily they were selling the right batteries and even the much needed light sticks - if only I'd known, I'd have saved myself a lot of worry and hassle. Cubling's eyes lit up with the little light. We met up with some of her little friends. Songs were sung, children read out the story of St Martin and Cubling was full of wonder of the interior of the chapel. As we left for the lantern parade in the "cloister" (it's not a real cloister), she broke into tears. It took me a while to realise why. She thought we were going home and no, didn't like this idea at all: "I want go Hause nicht!" It took some intense explaining that the parade was part of it and we were just going outside for the parade and no, we had no intention of going home just yet.

She carried the lantern as if it was a race, then found new uses for lanterns (they make good leaf holders) and finally found it much more interesting to run off. Posing for a picture? No chance.

The Umtrunk (wee dram) thereafter was busy and Cubling found some flipcharts she wanted to decorate. Malen! Laufen! (draw, run) were the battlecries of the evening. Just as well, it was so busy that by the time we got there all the food and drink was already finished. It didn't take her long to make some new friends and she loved it all so much that she was last to leave and even then only very reluctantly.

As we got home, she carried her lantern proudly, singing "Laterne, Laterne - Sonne, Mond und Sterne". It was the first time she'd sang this song, and it melted my heart. Of course she didn't part with her beloved mermaid lantern this morning either, showing it off to the childminder and the other girls.

I think we managed to make it into a successful day, one that she will hopefully remember.

Admittedly, I find the bicultural diary a bit demanding at this time of the year. Halloween, Bonfire Night, St Martin and Nikolaus all within five weeks of one another. Phew.

The day of lanterns

Wordless Wednesday: Late Autumn, Tollcross Park

Tonight was spent with photos - editing, selecting and creating Christmas presents. Very enjoyable, I'm still amazed at digital photography, especially now that I can combine my passion for SLRs with the doors that digital photography opens. No longer do I need a dark room (my childhood dream was to have one), all it takes is a laptop and some software, magic. So it's only right that I should share some photos tonight. All were taken at Tollcross Park last Sunday, a glorious last day of autumn. And today, at last, I feel ready for winter.

Wordless Wednesday: Late Autumn, Tollcross Park

how much is enough?

At the weekend, a trashy glossy mag found my hands. There was a picture of a 3 year old celebrity toddler wearing high heels and having a wardrobe worth 2 million. Sorry, I don't recall if it was pound or dollar, and I don't care really because such minute details are beside the point. Thing is, I got fuming furious.

As I do when I see food being thrown into the bin. Not that I'm never guilty, just that I feel so flipping angry when I see people (including myself) doing it.

Excessive spending, excessive richness, excessive waste do my head in. In my world, there is no justification for the super rich. It annoys me unspeakably when people justify the amount of money some people earn, receive, inherit, or spend. To me, there's only so many resources going around and if someone has more than their share, there are people on the other side with less than their share. In the past, this had led to people calling me a communist. In times of the cold war, it was meant as the ultimate insult. But if that's what communism is about, well, fair enough, let me be one. Although I've never been comfortable with any label, political or not.

The image also reminded me of the intrinsic competitiveness that is in our human nature, which effectively leads to inequalities. Now I'm the last person to claim I'm not competitive. I believe we all are. Competitiveness can be a positive force, something that is all about striving for something better, progress and ultimately positive change. Yet we use it more often than not to aggravate the misery of others. As parents, we seem to automatically become competitive about our children. Who's got the most, the best for their child. The worry that comes with seeing a child do stuff that our own can't yet do. How bad I feel when I visit a house filled with toys. Not about not having them (because I know I don't want so many and neither does my child) but because I know that the other parents must think we're not giving our child the best start we could. Peer group pressure, competitiveness of keeping up with the Jones's. Or the worry that our explanation of our parenting priorities may in turn upset the parent who have transformed their home into a Toys R Us.

And yes I too fret over cute outfits and wish I had an excuse to buy them. In my case, there is no NEED to buy anything, yet I still DESIRE to buy stuff for my little girl. It seems in our parental nature. We want more. More. Ever more. Even if we've managed to disengage from buying ever more for ourselves, it all starts over even more viciously with our children. It's a daily struggle to resist the call for more, the desire to spend. I resent it when this competitiveness leads to mindless consumerism and, yes, greed .

Another mag that found my hand was the New Scientist. Not sure which edition, but it summarised how money shapes us. How, once we've got enough dosh to take care of food and shelter, we are happiest. How once we've got more than that, we become self-sufficient and disengage from human interaction, while if we have less than we need, we become more social because we need the help of those around us to make things work. Neither extreme makes us happy campers apparently. So if being poor and being rich make us unhappy, why do we live in a society where financial gluttonly is heralded and justified, excused with "s/he must work hard for it, s/he has so much responsibility and this has to be rewarded", the 25k rocking horse (thanks J for the example!) while people around the world, including the UK, go hungry, with 1 in 3 children in the UK growing up in poverty? The 25k rocking horse, the 2 million wardrobe of Tom Cruise's 3 year old daughter are wrong, and ultimately unnecessary.

At the same time as we can see from international comparison that those countries are more equal and fare better where the differences between the very rich and the very poor are least pronounced, where in fact a social Spirit Levelhas been achieved. Maybe my anger at greed, the very rich, the wastefulness of every day life, consumerism is well founded because all of this seems to be at the bottom of our society's ill.

I've been reading Not New Year blog with fascination over the past year - because of the very simple idea behind it, the attempt not to consume. It is more than an ecological statement. It is paying tribute to the limited nature of all our resources and the inequalities that our consumer society creates, the dependencies which, in the end, is likely to make us all suffer a rude awakening. I admire anyone who can make such a significant statement in their lives and not buy anything new for 6 out of 12 months. And they show us that it's possible, with conviction and real commitment, a commitment of action, not words.

A first step is of course to recognise our greed, our fascination with money and what money can buy us. The next step is to take stock of how much is enough: Do we really and truly need to consume the way we do? How can we consume less and in the process create a just society? Can we create general wealth by going with less (not without)? Is this possible to tweak our system or do we need to rethink it from scratch? Can we replace greed with compassion?

Above all, how can I make a small but significant start in my own life to waste less, buy less, give more to those who need (rather than desire) more? How can I free myself of the desire to have more when really and truly I have enough? Because at the end of the day, my gain is somebody else's loss.

how much is enough?