The Patchwork of Childcare

The BBC article on 8 radical solutions to childcare made me smile this morning. Not because they are so lovely, but mostly because they are so utterly unworkable, that there is definitely a bit of comedy going on. Still, nothing wrong for being a bit radical when really there is a big issue around childcare.

The reality of childcare is more like a patchwork. So I thought things would get a) simpler and b) cheaper once Cubling starts school. That would have been the naive world view of the uninitiated. With less than a month to go before the big day of starting school, I'm awfully smug because I managed to get all my childcare needs met. Yes, you heard me, and I know it'll make some jealous and want to hit, kick and bite me, but the jigsaw is complete.

And this is what it looks like, verion 5.13:

For term time:

Cubling:

• 8-9 am Breakfast club on 4 mornings
• 9am-3pm school
• 3-6pm after school care on 2 afternoons a week
• 3-6pm childminder 1 on 2 afternoons a week.
• late work days: child minder 1

Snowflake:

• 8-5pm nursery on 3 days a week
• (will change to 2 days plus 1 day at outdoor nursery once she turns 3)
• 8-6pm childminder 1 on 1 day a week
• late work days: child minder 1

In service days:

• Childminder 1 or 2

School holidays:

• Childminder 1 and 2.

Total: 6 child care providers between two children. I've not yet figured out the total cost, but we're on the very cheap end of it all and so lucky in that respect, but one thing I have realised is that we'll be paying significantly more on childcare than we currently do with 2 under 5s. Ok, my working hours are increasing so this is probably the bulk of the additonal cost, but still, my hope that once school kicked in, childcare costs would come down was an illusion.

For the past few months, I've had headaches and near head explosions about how to get it all organised and make sure there are no pieces missing and not gaps. Thankfully, our current 2 childminders (who we fall back on for anything additional) were able to pick up the missing pieces and it all worked out just fine.

However, looking at this it becomes clear that childcare isn't the simple "just put your child into a nursery" situation. My work is not strictly 9-5pm, there are commuting times to consider. After school, school holidays and in service days.

And even if it is all looking good, I still have the conundrum that I need Snowflake to be at nursery 8.30-5.30 and the nursery will only offer me 8-5pm, leaving me half an hour short for being able to have a full working day.

One of the suggestions are taking your baby. Have you tried it? Well I have and to be honest, not a lot of work gets done and I'm not sure if the work I do manage to get done is offset by the distraction from work that my colleagues surely experience (open office). A parent co-op? All I can say that whenever I tried to organise child activities , as soon as it goes over the 2 hours threashold it has to be registered, inspected and a whole lot of regulations, paperwork sets in which includes the necessity for any workers in this scheme to be disclosed and training towards a child care qualification. Not doable for working parents.

I do like the idea of combining care for the elderly and childcare. Of course I might be naive not having experienced the ins and outs of this, but it sounds like a solution which would benefit both children and older people, so I'd like to hear more about it.

As to schools being open all day, I've been arguing for a while how it would be good to have a one stop point for childcare, i.e. a child care provider located at a school and integrating preschool and after school care. Here in Scotland at least, pre school is delivered in half day sessions, so the nurseries that are attached to schools will mostly only offer 2.5 to 3 hours a day for 4 and sometimes 3 year olds. Which is no good if you're working. There are exceptions to this but these nurseries are notoriously difficult to get your child into. After school and holiday care would be best delivered as a standard at each primary school (I've not yet even found out what holiday care there is available and how much it costs as we're lucky enough that one of the childminders can step in).

Integrated childcare. The magic word. Sounds so much better than having to stop at 6 addresses during the course of a week.
Universal childcare. The end of worries and financial strains on families, which demonstrably has led to more equal societies and happier children in the Scandinavian countries - thus actually saving money in the long run rather than costing the taxpayer (through lower rates of crime, reduced mental health costs, lower health budgets, less prison sentences, less vandalism, less substance abuse, and the list continues).

The thing is, it can be done. It's not a distant dream. It does depend on political will and public support for the idea that children are an asset for the whole of the society and not just the parents' issue; that universal and integrated childcare reaps benefit for all of us, whether we choose to have children or not. And looking at the comments on the BBC article, we are a looooong way off such public support.

of transitions, graduations, inductions and headaches

We have officially entered transition to school territory.
This is what it looks like:
2 one-hour sessions at school, perfectly placed in the middle of the day.
A graduation at the forest kindergarten (in the early afternoon)
A graduation at the pre-school (perfectly placed in the middle of the day).
A dress rehearsal for the latter (morning)
3 parent meetings, two of which are also during my working day.

That's a total of 7 half days during my working week (they always fall on my working days of course) in one month. Which will be followed by a full 3 weeks of part time schooling in August. Transition to school is definitely not made for the working parent. If I miss out, the school will have me down as a non caring or even bad parent. But really, it's all a bit much even with the best of will.

I'm losing my hair fast and quick. How do working parents manage? There is a real chance that I will have to send Cubling to her big graduation at pre-school by herself because daddy is abroad and there's a REALLY IMPORTANT training day on, that I'm sure many think I shouldn't or even mustn't miss.

Of course, I'd rather be at her graduation, then find out all about data protection (which is very important for my job, no doubt). Be there for an important day in her life, or be at a training session which in theory can be repeated but in practice may well not be. Either way I feel bad.

Now can someone make a decision for me AND make me feel ok with that decision? My head is hurting big time and I can't think anymore.

Institutionalised

Quite out of the blue it dawned on me that this is it. This was my year of maternity leave, most likely the last one. Where did it go? Flying by is an understatement. It is odd how different I feel about returning to work this time around. How different I feel about leaving my children with caregivers. I hardly recognise myself, my feelings have changed so much.

In some fairy dream land, my imaginary plan had been to have my kids in Germany, where you get 3 years of (partly) unpaid leave each (which you can take any time and split between parents and take in chunks etc pp). Oh the luxury, to spend the early years with your children and still have a job to come back to.

Of course, life never works quite according to plan and I have only myself to blame for not following it through, one reason being that I actually quite like Scotland. And my job.


Still, as I count the hours before I'll leave my kids with competent caregivers who are still "only" that, caregivers, I wish I'd have more time. The older already nags me with complaints that she doesn't want to go back to nursery and rather spend time with me. The younger, oblivious to everything, gives me smiles and demands nursing as if there was no tomorrow.

Ahead of me is also the juggling of work and childcare demands, time slipping away and every minor traffic hiccups translating to having to catch up on work in the evenings, or not being able to take breaks. As a user of a council nursery (and I know that's as lucky as winning the lottery) there are also in service days and holiday weeks to consider, time off work that I simply don't have (did I find a babysitter recently? She'll be getting more work it seems). It's back to the rat race - just this time not for the money but for the sake of juggling what is often more than wrongly referred to as work life balance (there is no such thing if ever someone asks. If you work and have kids, the balance goes out of the window first).

The nagging question is that of "Is it worth it?" The constant rush, stress, all for a negligible bit of extra money. Is it really worth it?
My answer now, 4 1/2 years into motherhood, is quite different to what it was 4 years ago when Cubling started childcare. I'm no longer sure at all. The resounding yes is almost gone. And if it wasn't for the kind of job I have, the satisfaction I get out of it, the team I work with, the organisation that is more supportive of their employees than most, the answer may well tip towards the "no".

Transitions are never easy and I know from experience that a new rhythm will emerge, that things will settle down, that I will settle down. For now though, I'm in inner turmoil and reluctant to hand over my kids. It is me who has separation anxiety.

I once read someone label the start of school as institutionalisation of a child. At the time, I chuckled as it seemed over the top and a bit funny. I'd no longer chuckle now. I know what she meant. And aren't we all institutionalised and following the rhythm of what that institution imposes on us? The 9-5 rhythm of work, the in service days of schools, the nap routines of nurseries. Be wary child if you don't fit in, if you'd rather not have your mum leave you alone, if you are a nurseling at 10 months.

It is the way things are and I accept them as it is beyond me to change them so I try and make the best out of it. But I cannot be made to like it.

Building a green house

There I was, sitting with Snowflake strapped on, in the reception area of Cubling's nursery, with lots of plastic bottles, trying to battle them into submission, er, cut the bottom off them with a pair of child proof scissors. In the end, I stopped at about 50, partly because my thumb was starting to object, partly because Snowflake had woken up again and I didn't want to chance stabbing her now that she's a bit more active and keen to explore if she can climb out of the sling.

I felt a bit apprehensive, admittedly. Especially when another carer came in and asked if I was able to bring the wean to work. It took a minute to sink in that she thought I was staff, rather than the parent volunteer engaged in the task of cutting off bottle bottoms.

So what was this all about? Well, this nursery being quite high on all things eco,  has teamed up with Urban Roots to build a green house out of plastic bottles. Throughout the winter, the children collected bottles for this undertaking (somewhere between 500 and 1000). Now each of them needs its bottom cut off so they can be stacked with the help of bamboo sticks to form the greenhouse in the nursery's outdoor play area. The bottom bits are going to be used as plant pots.

I've got a feeling that I'm a tad more excited about it all than anyone else, I don't blame the staff for being daunted by the task ahead of them to cut all those plastic bottle bottom off, but if only 10 parents helped for an hour, it would be done. I have to admit, I'd probably enjoyed myself a bit more if it had been a bit of a communal parent volunteer thingme, just being sat there cutting away on my own wasn't particularly elating. The idea I had in mind when I volunteered to help was definitely about a joint effort, not the lonely loon parent slavouring away.

I hope that even if I'm currently failing to enthuse Cubling for gardening, maybe the nursery will be more successful, especially with a shiny new glass, er, plastic house.

Parent engagement - room for improvement

The nursery is trying to engage parents, and it's an interesting experience seen from the other side. Having two hats on is sometimes quite useful, and can be enlightening. It's also awkward - as someone who works in the voluntary sector close to a parental engagement project, you know the theory and policy and practices underlying the attempt to engage with parents. The theory is that educational outcomes improve if parents are engaged in their children's education, especially if this happens in the early years - because parents are their children's main educator and the input of an early years centre/school is minimal in comparison.

So my older daughter's nursery is trying to engage me, alongside with all other parents of course. I'm on maternity leave, so I have time on my hand, an interest in getting a bit involved in the nursery too, which makes me a very easy target. What I'm about to write is not about a specific nursery, it's meant as constructive criticism which could be useful for any early years centre wishing to engage parents in a meaningful way.

My daughter has been attending this nursery for about 9 months now. When I drop her off or pick her up, there is hardly an acknowledgement of my person. There is no feedback volunteered, even when she had displayed separation anxiety in the morning - no reassurance even that she had a good day. Now that she's in the big room, parents are expected to drop off and just leave, they don't enter the room, the staff don't even bid the time of day to either parent or child. The interaction is by newsletter and through a wall which is filled with information on what children have been up to. I'm ok with that, it gives me a fair idea.

So far we had one item of written personalised feedback, which looked rather meaningless to me. We've had no one-to-one feedback (although her key worker in the first room was quite good at informal feedback). A parents evening was scheduled but cancelled. There was a fund day in the summer which was nice and I felt obliged to support it (it also raised funds for the nursery) but I didn't really get anything out of it for me or my child.

Then there are letters sent to me through my daughter. Reminders about sponsorship forms, the toy fund donations - neither of which are donations, which the wording of the letter makes more than clear. In fact the wording seriously pees me off, it's patronising and threatening, as well as disrespectful.

A parent group was offered, on a weekday morning at 10.30am. I was the only parent who turned up. Apparently, the idea was to get feedback from parents. Hm, that was a fail then.

I offered, now that I have a bit of time, to share some of my daughter's culture through exploring German festivities. This was welcomed but instantly I was reminded of all the rules and regulations in relation to child safeguarding (which I know too well, if only they asked me before starting the litany!). I got a general sense of an attitude that is reluctant of exploring new opportunities, where a "we can't" is more easily uttered than a "let's see how we can do this".

Then there's a bookbug week, where parents are invited to read stories with their children in the nursery. I can see where they're coming from, knowing from various primary school teachers that some children start school without ever having seen a book or having heard a story. I went along, to be interrupted while I was reading a book to my daughter (I thought it was about reading books?) to be told how important it is for literacy development to regularly share books and how to incorporate it into a daily routine, a routine which in itself gives security to the child. The tone was patronising, though I also noticed that the nursery teacher wasn't entirely comfortable in her role. All the parents who were there clearly do read books with their children, because if you don't, would you bother coming to this event? If you yourself had low levels of literacy or weren't confident to read books to your children, would you not shy away from such a public display? Would you in fact know about the event, not being able to read the newsletter? Just wondering. It felt daft to be told such basic advice, and I'm sure the other parents felt much the same.

I commend the efforts of the nursery to engage parents, but as it stands, I have a feeling it's not very successful. I suggested to run the parent group just after drop off at 9am so that parents with commitments don't have to lose too much time. But it's not about getting some parents involved in this group - parental engagement is about creating an ease of interaction between nursery staff and parents, which isn't there.

-To start with, I'd recommend to start with a brief exchange with parents at the start and end of their child's day. Be friendly, and get to know the families a little over time.

-Once you know the families, explore real opportunities of exchange and sharing. Think about what parents can add to the education of all the children. Pursue how to do this in a creative way. Don't find excuses why something is too complicated, instead acknowledge the rules but work with them.

-If you want a parents group, explain to parents what the remit of this is, and what they or their child gets out of it. Parents have busy lives and don't want to waste precious time. If you need MY participation to tick YOUR box, I'm likely not to turn up.

-Improve written communication to parents. You see, I may forget the toy fund one month, but I really just need a gentle (even spoken) reminder, not to be told off as if I don't care about my child!

-And as for sponsorship, oh please don't expect me to go around my neighbours to collect money for my child's Christmas present. It's not my neighbours' responsibility or interest. Just tell me what you want off me and I'll pay up, just don't call it sponsorship and give me a form.

-I also don't like giving to charities that I haven't chosen myself, animal charities are already getting enough, why don't you support a children's charity, being a nursery?

-If you knew me a bit better, you'd know that I don't need told about how good sharing books is. Tell me something I don't know, like how to deal with a whinging pre-schooler who won't feed herself. The reading books bit I'm quite good at, it's the other stuff I could need a bit of help with.

-Treat parents as equals who are effective contributors to their children's education, not as people needing educated about how to raise kids.

Transitions: starting nursery

The previous two weeks have marked a big transition for Cubling. She has started nursery. So far, from when I had to return to work (she was 5 months at the time), she was cared for 4 days a week by a childminder. Looking back, it was the right choice. Cubling is a spirited child, which, as a baby, meant that she would have difficulties settling and did not like being separated from me. A walk in the pram? A nightmare. Bouncy chairs? You must be joking. Lying under a play gym? If you want wild screams, go for it. Instead she wanted carried and nursed rather a lot. The thought of putting her into a childcare with various carers for a rather long day just didn't seem right. At least with a childminder, there was one continuous carer, which really worked better for my daughter.

Interestingly, of all my friends who work, there is a clear pattern. If childcare is required for up to 3 full days, parents tend to opt for a nursery. If it's more than that, the choice is often for a childminder. I'm not sure how concious people are of such decisions, but research does show that while nurseries and childminders often have a positive impact on the development of young children, this benefit disappears or is reversed if the child is in care for long hours, particularly if this is at a nursery and the child is younger than 2 years of age.

In fact, from the perspective of a child, nursery has a definite benefit from the age of 3, and this benefit is most pronounced if the child attends half days only. Before the age of 2, research has shown that a one-person childcare setup is generally better for the child than a nursery set-up, with the length of hours spent in childcare having an impact too. The longer hours, the worse the nursery fares. Even if parents don't read the research, there's something intuitive about this.

We did consider to transition Cubling to nursery when she was 2. We even gave the childminder notice. And then we got cold feet, our instincts still told me that we weren't happy for her to spend 10 hours a day, 4 days a week, in a nursery with multiple and changing carers. Yes, she was more settled, and a sociable little girl, but it still felt wrong.

Just before her third birthday, we finally have embarked on the big step. For the past two weeks, she has had settling in days at the local authority nursery where we managed to get a place for her. I was keen for her to go to a city council nursery, mainly because of the better reputation of such centres. However, it was hard getting a space in an all day centre, because the way it works around here is that city council run nurseries usually offer half days only from the age of 3 - which is great for the kids but useless for working parents. So we got a space, but it's for 2 out of the 4 days needed only, and it's miles away, definitely not in walking distance. However, it's a nursery with glowing reports, and with so much good stuff that I value that there was no way we could have said no (and hoped to get a space in the nursery around the corner from us, you know the one where Cubling has been on the waiting list for 2 years now without success).

Of course, the way city council nurseries are set up are with the child in mind. It goes back to what's got the most impact on a child. From the age of three, half days, with an educational focus. This is what's good for our children, but unfortunately this doesn't fit in with a world of work that really doesn't give a shit about pre-fives. And how I felt this last week. Our world of work makes us work 9-5, 5 days a week. If we get part time hours, we can count ourselves very lucky indeed (when I was looking for a job, going part time would have meant a 35-50% drop in wages). For our children, shorter hours are proven to be better, longer hours can lead to behavioural issues and aggression that lasts into adulthood. So it's not actually good for young children to spend 10 hours a day at nursery. Yet it's also been shown that working parents seem to have a positive impact on children. The perfect scenario, I suppose, would be a situation where a parent worked just half days and the child would spend half days at nursery.

Just that this is not what the working world wants, a world that has no interest in what's good or bad for our next generation.

Looking back at the past two weeks, both Mr Cartside and I had to bend ourselves double to accommodate the long settling in process. Cubling, of course, did smashingly. I kept moaning about why it was such a slow process, and why we could not just try full days and see how it goes. Again, I was responding to what work expects of me, which puts me under pressure, and in turn, I put my child under pressure.

Thankfully, I relented and we didn't push it. And all went well. So, as of next week, it'll finally be 2 full days, and we'll also start the second nursery which will be a forest kindergarten. Cubling is so excited by it all, she can't wait to climb trees as she says. I'm not sure if she realises that this means she won't see the childminder very often from now on.

I was close to tears (ok, I'm very hormonal and burst into tears very easily at the moment) when I came to pick her up from nursery and found her enthusiastically playing a sleeping and hopping bunny game with all the other children. This is the girl who usually refuses to partake in group games or photographs, the girl who stands back and does her own thing. There she was, so enthralled in it that she didn't even notice me, so joyously playing the game with the biggest conviction there could be. I'd never seen her like this in a group of children. Something felt very right, even if the hours, to be fair, are still very long for a little girl.

At least I'm satisfied that we've found the right balance in difficult circumstances. Childminder up to 3 years, and now the combination of indoor and outdoor nursery, giving her the opportunity to explore very different worlds, while she can spend time being the active and intense girl that she is. I really hope that we've made the right choices to support her personality without changing it, to let her be herself for as long as possible. She will be going to two excellent nurseries which complement each other, and the time spent at home will give her yet more experiences.

This time, the time seems right to change. And so far, she's taken on the transition in her very own stride: Confident, enthusiastic, strong-willed, and with a very big heart.

(picture: Cubling in the driving seat)

Time to watch and listen

We had one amazing weekend with Cubling. At the end of it I'm exhausted as well as anxious about the week ahead, yet it was so worth it. I'm anxious because Cubling will be starting nursery and I have no idea how she will settle. She is a confident and inquisitive child, yet not comfortable with strangers or groups of children. And we've had a serious tummy ache and diarrhoea episode, including visit to GP and call to NHS 24 without any diagnosis, so I'm blaming it on poo anxiety issues - which makes me worry how she'll deal with it in new surroundings with new people.

For tonight though, I'll enjoy looking back on

::two cousins chasing each other full of delight through the Tramway and Hidden Gardens::

::being chased by orange hands and getting two sets of clothing covered in paint::

::making origami daffodils and failing::

::Cubling's surefooted exploration of trams, trains and buses at the Transport Museum::

::Cubling's utter delight at finding the bear and much more at Kelvingrove Museum::

::shopping in the yellow shop (aka Morrison's) and the disappointment when Cubling realised that the "purple yoghurt" (aka chocolate mousse) had not made it home::

::fishing the poo snake out of the bath (you'll be pleased we didn't take a picture this time, I think we were all a bit too scared of that monster)::

Oh there are pictures of our adventures, but sorry, too tired. Foetus doesn't fancy me sitting at the computer any longer.

Roll on big girl nursery then.