Good bye 2009 - a linked year

I'm not in a reflective mood, and even didn't intend to post tonight. Yet here I am sat and reading some amazing posts in my reader. Some moved me to tears, some made me realise that I hadn't followed a blog as closely as I should have. I don't want to reflect too much simply because 2009 wasn't a good year and on the eve of our well deserved holiday I'm not in the mood to let anything bring me down. However, I quite liked Little Mummy Erica's idea of linking to some of her key posts over the year, and sneakily I'm stealing her idea (sorry!). It's particularly useful at this time as I'll be off to sunny shores for a week and won't take my notebook (honestly!), so the selection of links may keep you entertained for the next week or so.

2009 went something like this for me:
On Christmas Day 2008, my brother in law died suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving behind his pregnant wife and son who turned two just a few days after. I was stunned and struck with grief for the loss of this wonderful man whose life was cut more than short. Words can't describe the loss, so I struggled for months to even mention it on my blog. Most weeks for the whole of 2009, I spent my three days off work at my sister in law's, or she stayed with us.

Also still in December 2008, I started a new job in a new office, but still with the same organisation and in a similar role. Due to a restructure, I now no longer work with asylum seeking and refugee children. Instead my work focuses on ending child poverty in the UK. As a last effort to make a difference for the people I used to work with, I sent out the Christmas Toy appeal on my blog and I summarised the fabulous the result in January 2009.

In February 2009 I had an idea to put together a fundraising book. The idea slowly took shape to become a hat pattern book to knit and crochet and is now available as a Lulu and Ravelry ebook and a real book.

My amazing daughter turned two in March and it really felt like a watershed. I also found out I was pregnant.

April: I moved bloghosts from cartside.civiblog.com to mummydothat.blogspot.com, becoming a "mummy blogger" in the process. So much changed because of this move, suddenly, I quadrupled my readership and actually got comments! More importantly, I discovered so many amazing blogs so that blogging became an even bigger part of my life. I also started pondering about how to best make our bilingual household work for my daughter. I think it was also April that I finally got myself a digital SLR and rediscovered my love for photography. Not that it was ever gone, but now there were endless possibilities.

At the end of May, I miscarried at just 2 days short of 12 weeks pregnant.

June was a frenzy of activity, maybe to get rid of the what if's in my head? I do have a tendency to go into mad chicken mode when confronted with something that may depress me, it's my way of keeping my mind in its right place. So, I tried to lose weight (and failed), I pondered on why advocating breast-feeding is really important, I pledged for Recycle Week and almost succeeded, and shared some of my work projects.

In July, at least some part of my garden, namely the raised beds, were taking shape, we spent our one day summer holiday on the lovely isle of Cumbrae, and Scotland Secretary Jim Murphy listened to the questions primary school children asked the government.

August held the first bilingual carnival in store. After all my searches for bloggers who blog on bilingualism and raising their children bilingually, I found that while there were great blogs, they weren't connected. And really, we were all experiencing similar difficulties. So the carnival was conceived and it's still going strong. Above all, I witnessed the birth of my niece which was a very emotional and special experience. I also looked back on various stages of being a mother, finding out I was pregnant, my breast-feeding experience, maternity leave and changing jobs while pregnant.

In September, A Hat in Time finally went on sale, I tried to give hope to those parents who like me have a baby/toddler who won't sleep through and that it can change, and I met some great Scottish bloggers for lunch.

October held my second trip to Germany for the year, just four days, but I brought home enough to keep me entertained for the winter. I also looked back once again on what the choices are if you are a 10 month mama. Oh, and I walked the fire of course!

November was full of seasonal events. We were rather busy to be honest: Fireworks, St Martin's Lantern Parade, and lots of getting prepared for Christmas. It continued into December with lots of baking, and an attempt to create a Christmassy Craft Advent Calendar with 24 entries - I'm 5 short so if you have a project you'd like to share for next year, please feel free to still add it. I also pondered on the bigger picture, and on thoughtless consumerism.

I've left out any links to my knitting projects, which is odd, because knitting does have a very secure place in my life an on this blog, so here's at least a link to my biggest and favourite project.

For the new year, I hope that the sense of loss will be at least partially replaced by joy and the ability to let the beauty of life into our hearts. Cheers. We'll be waving from the aeroplane tomorrow then ;)
Wishing you all a great 2010, may it bring happiness, joy, strength and purpose.

potty training 10 days down

While I'm still knitting like a mad hatter in a race against time, I also need a little break, and possibly, some advice. So here is one last post before we head 4 air hours south: Something along the lines of an update (or cry for help) on the potty training front.

We're 10 days down the line and I had secretly hoped we could travel without nappies. It's not looking good, and while we have no hold luggage and will be keeping our luggage minimal, I think I'll have to take at least a day's supply of nappies along.

This is our road so far:
We went cold turkey. Nappy off, pants on, skirts and tights, spray disinfectant and terries on hand. Oh and the potty of course. I explained that pee and poo was for the potty or toilet, that she was a big girl now and would get a chocolate if she did either on the potty/toilet. And she'd be a Klokoenig (loo king - that concept is from a German potty training book that we read). The very book also has an episode of the boy unrolling a toilet roll while sat on the toilet. Cubling loves sitting on the toilet and copying him, announcing that this makes her a Klokoenig. Hm, not sure about that one.

Days 1-5:
Cubling really did NOT want to sit on the potty. However, being malleable and easily blackmailed, we managed to get her to sit on it while watching the TV, cuddling mummy, reading books etc.
At the same time, she hated pooing in her pants more than pooing in the potty, so we had 100% success on the no. 2 front.
Success on the pee front: 0%

Days 5-10:
Cubling doesn't mind sitting on the potty but neither particularly likes it. She verbalises that poo and pee go in the potty and that she'll get chocolates for it and will be a Klokoenig and that mummy will even make her a crown. She doesn't want to sit on it for the sake of it, but is happy to be transferred when something is imminent.
However, whenever I ask her if she needs to go, she says no. If I sit her on the potty or toilet, nothing comes. Sometimes she says she needs to and I sit her on the potty for 5 minutes - nothing. Repeat. Repeat. Put pants on. A minute later - that face, whining, "I done pipi!" In the pants/carpet/mummy's favourite Nepalese cushion that is. I try to focus on the success that she seems to be happy to use the potty now and seems to understand what this is about.

Poo continues to work better than wee except when visiting friends and when mummy is not around (Cubling is still rather focused on me). Only one day with 50% of pee success, total fail for all other days. When she does do something in the potty, she is slightly upset and needs lots of reassurance, doesn't want to see the result, but rejoices and celebrates the success. And celebrate we do.

Since we've started, she's been dry at naptime, and amazingly, dry 50% of nights (and she sleeps 12 hours!). She only ever needs to wee 2-3 times a day - so she goes a long time between and definitely can hold her bladder! The problem, in my interpretation, is that she doesn't seem to know how to let go. So she waits until she really can't hold anymore and we don't even make it to the potty. From her little wail to the waterfall coming I have about 5 seconds. Which is not enough most times. She also never verbalises that she needs to go - it's just a particular look of slight terror in her face and this little whinge.

Of all the readiness checklists the one thing that she failed on initially is wanting to use the potty/toilet. I have a feeling that she is quite prepared to do it now and reasonably keen, but she can't judge when she needs to go. She has also so far never done a wee when I sat her on the potty/toilet because I knew she had a full bladder - it's as if she's physiologically unable to actively pee. I'm not sure if that interpretation is right, possible or just daft. Thing is, I know my girl and she is eager to please and I do believe that while she's not entirely comfortable using the potty (which will come with time), she does want to use it to please me (and doesn't enjoy having wet pants). I'm convinced this is not a power struggle but that she's finding the practice really rather difficult.

So, where do we go from here? Is she ready or not? Shall we abort or keep going on our holiday? Are there any tricks to teach her to sit on the potty before she is bursting and how to let go even if she's not got a bladder full to the brim?

Christmas 2010

We spent Christmas in snowy Clackmannanshire, trapped for a day or so until we got the shovels and grit out. Not that we were going anywhere. The kids took all day (in Cubling's cousin's case more than that) to unwrap their presents - they were actually more interested in playing than unwrapping. The magic of Santa worked, milk, carrots, home baked cookies and some reindeer dust made sure Santa came and left rather a lot of presents.

And you know what? I love toddlers. Why? Well, how creative can you get with a barbie doll (can I hasten to add that the doll was not my responsibility) and a crane? I was in stitches. What a fabulous idea!
Christmas for us was also a time of great sadness and loss. So, in a way I'm glad this Christmas is over and done with, and that we got through it in one piece, with the kids having bucketloads of fun. A candle was burning all day and in the evening, we lit paper lanterns and let them rise to the sky. There was a physicality of letting go which couldn't escape me, followed by the fading beauty of the light as it rose towards the moon in the ice cold winter night, before changing direction towards the north east and disappearing from our sight. The lanterns that will not return gave us a moment of beauty, togetherness and mindfulness.

Santa brought a toyshop for Cubling with all the gear, including a very popular ice cream stand and a chip and pin till. We are exposed to endless questions of "what do you want to eat?" before she proceeds to fill the basket with random stuff, as much as will go in, and charges £3 for it every single time, with lots of change handed back too. She takes her new job as shop owner very seriously, making sure all her customers are very happy indeed.
When the temperatures rose to come close to zero, not much time was wasted to make good use of good snow man building snow. Three generations were at it, Grampa, Daddy and Cubling herself. And I discovered the monochrome setting on my camera. Hurray! (I'm not one for reading instructions...).

Once we got up the driveway again, we went home, spending boxing day at home mostly, before setting off to the west coast to visit family and friends who I hadn't seen in a very long time. While on the road between Ayrshire, Renfrewshire, Glasgow and Clackmannanshire, much knitting was done, but oopsy daisy, I did got distracted and did the armhole shaping for a 6 year old, rather than the 4 year old version. So either I'm going to unravel and not have a summer dress ready for our holiday in a few day's time, or I'll pretend it didn't happen, try to fiddle about with it, adjust the back, make a second armhole for 4 year olds and pray it'll not look quite so bad. Haven't decided yet. I keep thinking that really there's not much in it between a 4 year old and a 6 year old armhole, is there? half an inch? Then I wonder how Cubling's 2 year old arm will look in a 6 year old armhole.... Decisions. Bottom line is I'm knitting ferociously to get the dress finished in time for our departure to sunny shores on New Year's Day. Time's running out and it doesn't help that I think I also found some errata in the pattern. Or maybe it's me?

It was lovely to finally have some time to visit family and friends we hadn't seen in a long long time. Some days, I feel very isolated, as if my friends are fading away because there is no time now to speak, meet and generally keep in touch. It's all the more reassuring when such opportunities to visit arise and the threads can be picked up where they were left dangling. Sometimes, time and distance don't matter. Of course, other times they do and it hurts when long standing friendships evaporate in front of my eyes and all my efforts are not enough to keep a good friend.

In between I kept admiring the winter wonderland that this Christmas had to offer. The Cart winding itself through a snowy suburban landscape, fog lingering over it in the sunset. Branches first weighing down heavy with snow, later turning white from frozen dew, a winterscape changing every day. The wide white expanse between Kilbirnie and Lochwinnoch, lochs that held trees prisoners in their frozen waters. The view across towards the majestic snow covered hills of Arran looking down on Cumbrae and Little Cumbrae.

Now then, I shall disappear for a few days in a pile of yarn trying to save that dress and get it ready for our holiday. I'm doubtful that I'll be able to blog on our holiday so it may be quiet on this site for a little while.

A Christmas Postcard

Wishing you joy, health, warmth and happiness at Christmas, especially if for some reason or another, it doesn't come easy to you. And make sure you don't forget the cookies, milk, carrots and magic reindeer dust.

Wordless Wednesday: Grampa and Granddaughter

A Reverse Competition of Christmas Spending?

I came across a blog post today that tickled me in so many ways that I decided, rather than comment, to continue the discussion here. MrsW over at Clinically Fed Up elaborated on the middle class malaise of a competition of minimalism when it comes to Christmas spend on the kids, and a competition for the handmade which may or may not link in with this minimalism. Of course, I'm summarising here and I do encourage you to read her post before you continue to read mine.

Well, as you can imagine, as someone who has blogged about the senseless consumerism which seems to gnaw at our very existence (though it wasn't meant as a criticism of purely Christmas spending), as someone who tries to include as many handmade items as I can, and as someone who's been rather struggling financially this year, you can imagine that MrsW's post whirled up a bit of sand in my slightly scattered head. It really got me thinking. Am I contributing to the pressure on parents to be picture perfect and have a handmade home? Is my attempt to cut down on spending decidedly middle class (a question I ask myself almost daily)? Can I afford to spend but decide not to because I'm stingy?

To be clear: I find the £50 limit on spend per child artificial. This year, we spent more. In spite of being broke. Last year and the year before it was less, but that was because Cubling was too young and had more toys than she could play with anyway and I truly didn't see the point. The £20 limit is just daft. I spend more than that on other people's kids. The inverse competition isn't something that I've come across, in fact, I've never discussed with even my best friends how much they spend on their child. However, I can relate to so many examples linked to the minimalism of spending.

This year in particular, I've been found to complain about the abundance of presents. Not just for the kids, but for us big kids too. We (Mr and Mrs Cartside) are in our late 30s, yet we are given presents by relatives and friends, who now also give an additional present to our daughter. I know that for some, this is a significant expense, and I'm not comfortable with this. On the other hand, being given presents undoubtably creates a pressure to give presents in return and it does get rather difficult finding a present for people who actually have all they need (or don't disclose what they do need and have not). It's no secret that I hate waste, and the thought of any present, regardless of value, not being used, makes me question what all this present giving is about.

I only need to take my father as a glowing example. Every single present I've given him since time immemorial has been unused. He's my dad and I can't seem to be able to come up with a single thing that he may appreciate. I've tried. Rarely, I've been successful. His own approach is that of monetary gifts, one that I don't particularly like but at least he's (brutally) honest and tells me he can't be bothered imagining what people may want and he really doesn't want any more tat even from other people.

On the other hand, there's the financial pressure that I am under at the moment. It's temporary, so it doesn't worry me the way it worries others. But I know plenty of people who've recently lost their jobs and who still may give presents. It isn't right. I don't want them to give presents, I do appreciate the gesture very much, but really, it's not necessary. We have all we've got and a visit, a phone call, some time together is the best gift there can be. There is also the sad fact that those who struggle the most will still spend to make Christmas special, and end up in debt. Serious debt I may add.

Add to that my very real concern about the temptation of quick buys in cheap shops, the consumer society we live in which produces stuff that is not needed on the expense of natural resources that are limited, I have come to the conclusion that I can only try and address this in some way. So, yes, my way has been to try and increase the proportion of handmade items. Handmade in the broadest sense. Of course MrsW is very right in saying that a) handmade is actually not necessarily cheaper, especially if you look at my favourite sport, knitting; that b) it takes a lot of time and it's not realistic to make a handmade only Christmas; and that c) most of us aren't talented enough to make it anything that someone may appreciate. I struggle with c), really, I love making things, but the only thing I'm reasonably good at is knitting. Which takes ages. I could never ever knit enough to make even the smallest of presents for those closest to me.

As to b) the time involved in making things - that is a very important point. As much as I do like to increase the proportion of handmade items, it doesn't work because I work. Simple as that. I work 4 days a week, sometimes evenings and weekends, I'm the cook in our family, I keep the house tidy (barely let me tell you) and I also help out at another household. There is only so much time in the day and more often than not, my energy just about suffices for a quickly scribbled blog post.

So why do I try? Well, it is about trying to somehow break the endless consumerism I'm surrounded by. If I knit a baby hat, I know that I gave it 2 full evenings of mine. But evenings where I was able to relax. It does make me appreciate the real value of things. Because, even though you can buy a knitted hat/cardigan etc in the shop for a fraction of the cost of yarn, nevermind the time, I also know that the shop hat is cheap because of exploitation, cheap labour, pollution, consumption of natural resources (yes it takes oil to make a baby hat). And I try to opt, where I can, not to buy, not to consume, not to create more stuff. And yes, I'm acutely aware that this attitude is decidedly middle class which makes me very uneasy a lot of the time.

I also want to make sure as of the year to come that anyone who wants to give us a present knows that we are happy if they chose not to. That we appreciate a very small token and are open to agree not to give presents. And as to the kids, well, it's a hard one. I love giving to kids, and so do others. But truth be told, my daughter plays little at home - she's either at the childminder or at her cousin's house, or we are out and about. She already has more toys than time to play with them, and when she plays she actually prefers to help me cook, to play with empty kitchen rolls and other random items. She is great at imagination - e. g. she'll play hairdresser without any toys, she just imagines soap, hair dryer and scissors. I really feel, as much as I hate to say it, that the £30 (I'm guessing) play house that she played with a few times and doesn't now touch, was money wasted.

Therefore, for birthdays and Christmasses to come, I hope our friends and relatives do not feel obliged to buy the latest pink toy for our daughter, or anything at all for us, the parents. And, radical as it may be, second hand is just fine when it comes to presents. The bottom line is that it's hard to tell what will be played with. I'm very happy to spend a lot of money on one item if this is something that will be cherished (which is why we bought a large item for this Christmas) but would rather do without the stuff that won't get played with. And for us - well, do we really need anything? Have we not got more than enough? This year, I've made some handmade presents, some knits, lots of biscuits. They will come in lieu of gifts to relatives who we feel have been burdened with our badly selected gifts in the past.

Surely, food is always appreciated. And if it's homemade, it doesn't have the "I didn't know what to get you so I bought you a box of biscuits" feel to it. I do pledge to do more of this next year. Not as a reverse competition (we will always be happy to spend a lot if it's an item that is appreciated and will be used lots), but as a way of getting the balance right. And not making people thank us for another useless item that we randomly selected for them.

This Winter's Knits

It can only be getting closer to Christmas, if I have four knitting projects going at the same time. And to give them the real winter feel, I took them out to explore the winter wonderland of the weekend (not such a wonderland if you subsequently get stranded on the M80 for 4 hours but I did try to focus on the beautiful winterscape that wasn't exactly passing by on our way back. Thankfully I had some knitting on me to pass the time). Where was I? Knitting. In winter. For Christmas. See those snowflake falling on the almost finished tea cosy? Knitted with Rowan Cocoon (oh I love that yarn) with a splash of mohairy red courtesy of Rowan Kidsilk Haze. It only needs sewn together to be ready as a present for a very special person.

Next up are a pair of socks knit with another favourite yarn of mine - Mirasol Hacho. They are simple socks and will surely keep my beloved's feet very warm and cosy this winter.
You may remember this hat, I just can't get enough of it. I think I knit about 3 of it in the last 2 weeks, for all my friend's recent babies. Here's the latest installment (and after that, it'll be 3 weeks until I'll be knitting this again, as the next baby is due then) for a Scottish German little girl, just before it'll be posted all the way to Erfurt. The pattern is by Woolly Wormhead and you can find it in A Hat in Time. It's the first pattern which I know by heart - such an amazing feeling not having to consult any pattern, just being able to pick up yarn whereever you are and get going. Suddenly I realise that knitting may not have to be about knitting a pattern only once, but that you can pick and choose your piece which will get a new and different encarnation every time it's knit. I'm sure many knit like this, yet it's a new approach for me.

Lastly, a summer dress in the middle of winter. I aim to finish it over the holiday, ready for our trip to warmer shores on New Years Day, so that Cubling can be the star of the beach. It's a f.pea pattern which I'm adjusting to make the vest into a longer dress. I'm a bit nervous about this - usually I just follow patterns to the word, so I hope it'll fit and look as lovely as the original.

In the Christmas Spirit

Yay.

Going potty over the potty

How do working parents potty train?
This is not meant to be an odd question. I have a real conundrum. And I'm sure I'm not the first, A Mums Survival guide has a few tips in the potty training for working parents' department. Now, I've never fretted much about potty training, it's not something I've ever looked forward to, while I always thought it would be easy peasy. Cubling is now 33 months, and ticks all the boxes for readiness.
Apart from the one that has something to do with actually wanting to use the potty/toilet.

She's funny with that. She knows what potty and toilet are for. She saw her cousin being potty trained about 4 months ago. She sometimes wants to sit on the toilet and really wants to do a wee in there, but nothing ever comes out of it, and I have to drag her off the toilet. However, whenever I try to use those magic 3 days at the weekend to use the potty or toilet, she initially likes to sit on it, usually on day one we have one success and the rest accidents, and from day 2 she becomes very.reluctant.indeed. She begs not to go to the toilet, but also doesn't want nappies. Also on day 2 and 3 there are no more successes, only accidents.

While I'm not particularly pushy with potty training, I've tried three time so far to reach some degree of potty training in my 3 days off work, because I believe she's ready. You see, if I'm lucky, I don't work Fri-Sun. Recently though, I had to do a considerable amount of weekend work, which meant that I hardly ever even got 3 days in a row. Now, I can't exactly potty train for three days with maybe one success and then hand Cubling over to the childminder. That's cheeky. Even so, I'd reached the point of considering cheekiness, but asked her first to have a guilt free conscience. She said no sorry. I don't blame her.

Her tip was to do it when I'm off work for a week. That didn't really happen this year as I took individual days off before and after my niece was born. So I left it a while. Now I'm off work for 3 weeks, and this has to be the time. Because, to be fair, I won't get any week off work until Cubling starts at nursery and I really want her out of nappies by then. Another motivator is the fact that she now regularly gets a very sore bum in cloth nappies (something that never had been a problem until she turned 2) and we're using many more disposables than I'm happy with.

So then, round 4 of potty training has been called. It's not been going well. While at home, in the evening, she'll happily sit on the toilet for 30 minutes until I drag her into bed, at my SIL's house she had no inclination to cooperate. Yes, I'm bribing her with chocolates. Anything at this point to get her to be cooperative, I don't care. Yes, she does want chocolates. Oh and she does understand that she'll get them if she manages to do a wee or poo on the potty or toilet. Yet her interest in doing so wanes with every hour. We've done the potty dvd, role play and books. One (German) book, Der Klokoenig (loo king) has a great example of how to unroll a toilet roll into a heap of paper. So she does that bit on the toilet with great joy and says she's a loo king now.

Two days in and she hadn't pooed at all. I got rather worried. Her all day complaint about a sore tummy didn't make me feel any better. We had curry in the evening, surely curry would yield some BM? With plenty of cajoling, cuddling, singing, story reading and even feeding while sat on the potty we got her to at least sit for a long time. It was clear that she needed to poo. I even got the chocolate out, unwrapped it and held it in front of her like a carrot to cajole a donkey. Jee. This was getting a bit much. She alternated between big grins (I very happy! - at the prospect of getting chocolate) to a very worried face caused by fear that it might be sore.

Then finally, and please avert your eyes if this is too much information, that was what got her not one, nonono, but TWO pieces of chocolate:

Needless to say we had a big cheer and a little girl who was jumping for joy and proudly presented her turd to her auntie and cousin (the latter even shared her enthusiasm at the sight).

I very happy now. I know it's only a start. But it's a start, right?

Making a Recycled Tealight Holder

As today's entry for my craft advent calendar is still waiting for a contribution, and there are still another 5 entries available to bring us up to Christmas, I thought I'd share a very simple idea, suitable for crafting with young children (that means roughly 2 1/2 years plus). It also enables you to recycle food jars. It's about time I came up with something really, admittedly I hadn't yet made a proper contribution to it myself. You may consider it a late contribution to the fabulous Recycled Christmas Carnival over at The Rubbish Diet.

You will need:
-A wide jar, big enough to place a tea light in
-transparent craft paper in different colours. I think decopatch paper (which is semi transparent) should also look nice
-pvc glue
-a paintbrush to apply glue with
-a tealight
-scissors (not essential)

Cut or rip the transparent or semi transparent paper into small pieces.
Using a paint brush, cover part or the full outside of the jar with glue (it may help to thin the glue down a bit). Stick the paper pieces on the jar, brush them smooth. You can add layers by simply applying glue to the paper already attached and sticking more paper on. Finish off covering all the paper with a thin layer of glue. Feel free to add some glitter for sparkle.

You may create shapes with this, like a night time sky, a flower, Santa - or keep it simple (as we did) for just some colour and a project which a 33 month old can complete from start to finish. Let dry overnight. Light your tealight and enjoy.

(Well, you may need to also unglue your toddler from the table, and gather the sprinkling of paper bits that will have made their way into every single room of your home. But other than that...)