A fond farewell

It happens time and time again. This is not the first time, and it won't be the last. And yet it doesn't get easier. I try to ignore it, to distract myself, get on with the trillion things lined up in my head. Yet in the end it gets me as much as I try to ban it from my thoughts.

This week, very good friends of ours will be saying goodbye to Glasgow. It's a reality of our global apple of a world, where we move backwards and forwards so easily. People move. They make friends in their new found home towns. And then, suddenly, without much warning, they move on. There is choice, a sense of guilt, yet no blame, above all a lot of sadness. In the past, it was usually me who was spreading her wings and enjoying the ride. Back then I didn't spend much thought on those I left behind, we all travelled a lot, slept on the floors of each others bedsits. Then I settled, abroad, away from family and some of my bestest friends and as much as I like my new life, I will forever miss those I left behind, who by now had also settled with visits becoming a rare event. And really, the friends that will be with you all your life are made during your formative years.

Then sometimes, ever more rarely, you make new friends closer to where you are, to the place that you and someone else have ended up building their lives in. You share another formative time in your life, out of the blue, when you both come home from a holiday at your old home with a tiny growing person that throws you into a hormonal rollercoaster of pregnancy and motherhood. Due dates only 4 days apart, almost as many doors between the tenement flats you both live in. Jobs shared, motherhood shared, husbands who enjoy each others company as much as their wives enjoy theirs. toddlers who describe each others as best friends and play together in the outdoor nursery. And now I'm left to explain to Cubling that from next week, her best friend won't be there anymore. "No!!!" she says in disbelief. Yes, I answer softly. She will, of course, accept more easily than I do.

And I hope that in spite of the distance our families won't grow apart, that we can somehow bridge the distance. I'm not very successful at that, too often in the past I've missed good friends too much as to seek regular contact, because those phone calls, emails, skypes always carry a sense of what's lost, a longing and sadness that I far too often choose to keep at bay through silence.

Out of and into the mouth of toddlers

This morning, Cubling was "helping" me hang up bedlinen. She discovered the joy of a pillow case and pretended it was a sleeping bag. All good fun so far, although I was slightly worried about her dragging a freshly washed pillow case through the whole house. At least I had hoovered the day before I told myself. She put it to lots of creative uses, not just a sleeping bag, oh nonono. It also resembles a bin bag, and she showed me how she can throw lots of toys in there, into her Uelleimer (Muelleimer, German for bin). Then, out of the blue, she announced "mummy, when you are very very old and then you die, I'm going to throw you into a bin bag and put you in the Uelleimer."

Charming. I feel very loved by my girl today. Dead mummy corpse disposal sorted.

And proof that Cubling has discovered the concept of death. Which we have spoken about before a lot, but it was always clear that she had not really understood it (which we didn't expect anyhow) - Only a month ago I could tell her ten times that her Oma died and she would still ask "so where's Oma/your mummy?" It's rather disconcerting if it pops up out of the blue in such, hm, how can I say, functional and pragmatic terms of ... disposal.

Just to prove that Cubling is also rather charming here's our adventure from last weekend:
A colleague of mine has a brood of hens (and quails) which are freed free range - freed from the wretched existence of battery hens, because they no longer produce the required frequency of eggs. So they are now free to roam on an Ayrshire farm - if they aren't chased by little people that is. Cubling was excited to go and even more excited to find ... you wouldn't believe it ... EGGS! Carefully carefully she collected them and only broke one quail egg ("oh dear! Is broken!"). Guess what she's been demanding daily ever since: egg. Egg for breakfast, egg for dinner. Boiled egg, fried egg, scrambled egg. She'll have egg over chocolate, and that's saying something. I'm slightly worried she might turn into one. At least we've got some indication that going ahead with getting a couple of hens will be met with approval by Cubling, although she made it also rather clear that she prefers quails and bunnies because they're "cute" and "fluffy".

That's what an ex battery hen looks like. A bit short on the feather side of things, but rather ok about being handled.

Two hours later and Cubling finally dares to hold "my friendly" which is the name given to the hen by wee A. who was rather taken by Cubling (he ended up hopping on a trampoline baring his chest which I can only interpret of an attempt to impress my daughter. Kids start early in Ayrshire...)

And somehow I've got a feeling "my friendly" wouldn't be so friendly if she knew that within an hour of leaving her, her egg looked like this on Cubling's dinner plate. Nothing beats scrambled egg on toast for a quick, tasty and down to earth meal.

cowgirl butterfly astronaut

Every girl deserves something special. Especially if she's a cowgirl butterfly astronaut. So, now that I finally made time for some UFO (aka unfinished objects), Cubling's very own cowgirl butterfly astronaut dress is finally finished.

The original pattern is the (free) cowgirl butterfly astronaut vest by f.pea, which I changed slightly to make it into a much longer dress. From the waist down, I left out the blue edging and sewed the middle section together instead. It would look much better if instead I'd have joined the dress in the round because the seam, while neat, is the centre of attention. I messed up the sleeves ever so slightly by doing a larger size armhole (I slipped in the size instructions from 4 years to 6 years, doh) so I had to do some improvisation to fix this mistake (not wanting to unravel days of work... I'm lazy that way) and while not perfect, it does the job.

I think the dress could also be improved by being a bit more swingy, i.e. increasing the stitch count just underneath the waist band. As it is, it's a bit tight around the tummy and Cubling not being a skinny girl, it would simply look better if the dress was wider from the waist.

I'm pretty pleased with it altogether, especially because this is the first time I intentionally altered a pattern and while I would do it differently next time, I'm pleased I didn't mess it up completely. The yarn is Anchor Style Magicline, dotty. It is Italian made, imported from Germany, I tried to match the colours of the original pattern and went for a similar weight cotton yarn - because cotton brings out the block and stripe pattern really well. It is an easy enough knit, ideal for car journeys, in front of the TV etc.

The dress is easy to wear and is really both dressy and doesn't restrict movements.

phewwwwffff...

Feel that deflating sound. That's me. Having spent the week frantically organising a residential for 12 primary school kids plus being regularly called out by sickly child for a few nights, one of which resulted in double all night kicking action (toddler in our bed positioning her knees on my tummy, to which baby in tummy responds with massive kicks - fun!), I've reached the point of no return. I really should be in bed. But hej, there must be more to life than work and kids, so instead I've been fiddling about with my blog, trying to declutter it (is that the nesting instinct?).

So have a look at my new fancy bloggy pages!

I've also taken on some sponsored links. My policy is that it has to be something that I'm happy to support, not just random links. Posts which are sponsored will be clearly labelled but the post will reflect my honest opinion. And thanks to the lovely sponsors I'll be buying myself a nice new telezoom lens for my DSLR (any recommendations? I have a Canon EOS 450D I think).

This is also a call for submissions for this months bilingual carnival, which should be up for 27th May but due to our holiday it'll be up a few days later, around the 1st of June. So deadline for submissions will be 29th May, please leave the link to your post in the comment box or send it to cartside (at) googlemail.com.

Above all, I'm currently rejoicing in the fact that this new government has committed itself to abolish the detention of children for immigration purposes. I'm hopping with delight. Remember, it was on my manifesto, so hurray! One box ticked. Let's see how many more will be and I may actually get to like this government (you what???) - well, they've scored one brownie point with me that's for sure.

Next week I'll be at a residential, the following week hoping for a smooth trip to the Bavarian capital to catch up with some special friends not seen in years (shame on the global society) or moving from this dear green place to the home of Lindenstrasse (that's the German Coronation Street). It will be sad and happy times.

I have a feeling that blogging might be intermittent although I'd really have rather a lot to blog about. Please wish me luck that the Ash Cloud will take mercy on me this time.

BMB Carnival, UFO's, two countries and a good kick

It's a strange world. Here we are in Scotland, where Labour won the elections and increased their already whopping majority. Yet we'll be ruled by a conservative government. Shakes head in disbelief. You wouldn't believe the black humour going around at the moment.

So the next 5 years may see a lot of changes. I doubt this government will be strong, I doubt they will be able to deal with the economic crisis, I doubt they will ever be even as little as endured in Scotland. The rest - time will tell.

So while I keep shaking my head, let's have some diversion from the breaking news, because believe it or not, they'll still be here tomorrow, and for the next  years. For tonight, to keep your spirits up, have a look at this fortnight's Best of British Mummy Bloggers Carnival which is hosted over at A Place of My Own and has a karaoke theme to it - all posts are song titles. Kelly has put together a great selection of posts which once again show how diverse the parent blogosphere is, so there'll be something for everyone in the audience and you can even hum along to the tunes.

Good times!

I'll also divert myself with another UFO night. No, I'm not into flying saucers, it stands for Unfinished Objects and is this great concept of just setting aside some time to finish off things that have been waiting for just that for a while. Highly satisfying, like ticking boxes. Apparently, you can also make a social night out of it. Just an idea. In my UFO box: some knitting and some mending, and some mending of knitting (which I've not done before and looks like a bit of a complicated puzzle to me).

Good news!

Heard baby's heartbeat today and baby gave the doppler a good kicking which even made the midwife smile. Strangely, this time around I'm not sure what antenatal appointments are for really, at least at this stage in pregnancy. I mean, I can have my blood pressure taken at a pharmacy and make my own notes about irrelevant niggles? Check myself for swelling and I'm sure even the urine protein test could be done at home. Nevermind, nice to meet yet another midwife who I won't ever see again.

Wild Wood

For about two months, Cubling has been out in the woods two days a week. She has joined Glasgow's first Scandinavian style outdoor nursery. For anyone not familiar with the concept, it entails going out all day in all kinds of weather. Usually it's aimed at pre-schoolers, with the benefits being a better immune system due to being outdoors a lot, resilience and a better awareness of physical abilities and the ability to manage risks independently.

Above all, it's a lot of fun for any active toddler.

So what does it look like in practice? In the morning, the children gather at a church hall (which is often used as a creche) between 8 and 9.30am, where they can draw, read books and play with a range of natural toys (pine cones, shells, sticks and anything derived from similar items), listen and move to music. They get into their outdoors clothes (which the forest kindergarten organises for a one off payment which is value for money) and at 9.30am a minibus drives them into the local country park, while they sing songs on the way. Once in the woods, they build up a shelter in case of rain (a tarpaulin/tent) and a portable tent toilet. Anything used on the day is brought along and taken back at the end of the day, so as to leave the park as is. During the day, the children explore different aspects of the outdoors, they make mudcakes, mud slides, climb up tree trunks, create shapes with sticks, explore the local community (there's a lot to explore nearby) or even draw pictures. There's quiet time with stories and much more - effectively the full curriculum can be covered outdoors. The children then return for 5pm to the church hall where they can be picked up by parents.

Of course, on the days of awful Scottish weather, I do doubt whether it's a good idea to send Cubling out. But having been to the base I also know that in the woods you are naturally sheltered from wind and rain, and the tent is really rather cozy... Then there's the worry of toilet accidents and we've been rather partial to nappies just in case, especially before the temperature picked up for spring.

Now, after two months, I can see a marked difference in Cubling. She's always been keen to climb and run, but now she does so with a marked increase in confidence. Her urge to climb, balance and master new challenges has increased, and she is much more determined to give new things a good go. Every day we pick her up she is full of excitement and wants to share her experiences with us. She has an increased awareness of the world around her, she sees even more than she used to see, and gets excited about little creatures and is keen to follow them. With all her drive to climb, she has not ever fallen off, instead she is aware of her skills and her limits and takes responsibility herself.

We had some difficulties transitioning from childminder to nursery in general and Cubling did struggle with the lack of one central caretaker who she relates to. However, that transition worked better in the forest kindergarten where she chose to relate to one worker in particular, as well as a few of the children who she quickly called her new friends. Interestingly, she hasn't done either in the indoor nursery: there she doesn't know the name of the children or workers, whereas she'll tell me all about the children and workers at the forest kindergarten. To me this demonstrates that also her social buttons are pressed much more outdoors than indoors. And she is a very social child.

Forest kindergartens are very popular in Scandinavian countries (where they originated) as well as Germany, where I know them from. We opted for it, for at least 2 days out of 4 days a week that Cubling goes to nursery, because she is a very lively and active girl who would forever feel contained in a nursery room. It's amazing to see how her imagination has increased - she now has endless ideas of how to play with very simple items, and keeps surprising us with very unusual activities. She also verbalises risks and how to stay safe much more now, and demonstrates a maturity which really surprises me.

I hope that outdoor nurseries like the Woodlands Outdoor Kindergarten will become a feature across the country and offer an alternative to traditional nursery settings. Here in Glasgow, parents usually choose to send their pre-schoolers (from 2 years 9 months) for one or two days, so that they do also get the experience of "normal" indoor pre-school education (which is also partially funded). There is a lot of support for the development of similar forest kindergartens across Scotland, and a commitment to integrate them into the statutory fundable early years education provision. However, with councils short of money, all the national support may not push things forward quite so swiftly on that front.

Cubling is proud to be a Waldkind, and I hope she'll keep enjoying it as much as she does now: "Climbing, forever trying / .../ getting to where you should be going" to say it in Paul Weller's words.

This post was written for the Best of British Mummy Blogging carnival which will be up on 11th May at A Place of my Own.

I believe I can fly ...

The world according to Cubling:

This morning daddy shaved the grass.

I wanted to go to the neighbours house. Mummy said better not, because the neighbour wanted to have some time alone. I wanted to be alone too. With her. Then mummy said she wanted to be alone on the loo. And I wanted to be alone too. With her.

I found two feathers and saw a helicopter and an aeroplane. So I took the feathers and flew in the grass.

Mummy and daddy had a hard time keeping up with me, I think they were playing chase but they couldn't catch me. I'm a big girl now. I'm faster.

When we were home I helped mummy cook a stoerfry and bake a cake, schieb schieb inen Ofen 'nein. I wanted to eat very viel cake. But I didn't like the green bits. Mummy says they're called rhubarb and she likes them. Ich aber nicht.

A walk in the park? I don't think so

I've had it. This pregnancy officially sucks. Please don't get me wrong, I'm eternally grateful that I am pregnant and try my best to keep positive and just enjoy the ride.

Just that those pregnancy hormones play havoc with my system and I'm losing the battle.

For example, I'm not at all impressed that I now sport the 5th cold/cough/respiratory infection since falling pregnant (consider that the first lasted 6 weeks and I'm  months pregnant you can imagine that I've hardly been feeling normal during this pregnancy at all). To make it all worse of course we're allowed to take feck all to ease the symptoms. Which I'm starting to ignore. Bad mum, fine. I'm only human, boo.

Secondly my sense of my body circumference hasn't quite made an appearance yet. I remember that from last time - endless spillages on my belly, as if it had some kind of magnetic capacity to attract liquids, and regular incidents of walking into door handles. It stops being funny if you run full steam into a sharp bolt of the fire escape door at work and walk home with a scratched, bruised and rather sore belly and wonder about fundal height.

I'm not particularly happy about the outcome of my 20 week scan, for all the anxiety about whether baby is fine it never crossed my mind that my placenta could be a trouble maker. Yes, it's better than a problem with baby, and yes, things may still turn out allright, but the prospect of either a c-section in case of placenta praevia or the risks that an emergency c-section would carry if it turns out to be an anterior placenta make it hard to believe my hypnobirthing mantra that birth is safe.

I'm also rather fed up that the one evening that Mr Cartside and I went out TOGETHER to see the amazing Duke Special, I felt sick as a dog thanks to what I guess must be pregnancy induced reflux. Imagine me, trying so hard to enjoy the fabulous gig, while doing my best to not throw up. Effectively, eating in the evening is not a good idea. I'm not sure if my diet is good for growing a baby, but I guess at least it means that this pregnancy I definitely won't put on a whopping 4 stone. Just if I feel like this at 23 weeks, how will I feel in week 36???

Feeling as rubbish as I do, my grand idea that my immune system can be strengthened by eating well and some moderate exercise is binned again. Can't eat, can't walk without feeling oxygen deprived. Vicious circle. Can you tell I'm fed up? I really and truly want to be full of pregnancy glow, knit dozens of cute things for the baby, get out my pregnancy yoga DVD and enjoy what will be my last pregnancy. But even with the best will in the world, enjoyable it is not so far.

My best friends currently are echinacea, zinc, vitamin C, nasal spray (naughty me) and Cubling's hugs.

Rant over.

Gone gigging

Probably one of the most beautiful songs ever and I can't wait to see all of his new Brecht and Weill stuff to be done live. So here's to a music full of beautiful music. And because it's hard to hear the lyrics, here they are in full:

I let go to feel the fall
And know that I’m alive
I see my breath and think of God
And everything I have

This could be my last day
This could be my last day

I touch your grave it comforts me
Tells me to be true
Everyone’s a burning star
Time is running through

This could be my last day
This could be my last day

Everything is fragile
Everything is broken
You were full of living colours
And such a sense of wonder
Prophecy is written
Prophecy is spoken
I wish I could have saved you
But I think I’m going under

This could be my last day
This could be my last day

11 years and 8 september
Never be the same
Charing Cross and woven hats
Flinching at your name

This could be my last day
This could be my last day

Everything is fragile
Everything is broken
You were full of living colours
And such a sense of wonder
Prophecy is written
Prophecy is spoken
I wish I could have saved you
But I saw you going under
I wish I could have saved you
But I think I’m going under

Sponsored Post: Forum Fever

Although addicted to the internet, blogging and all that, I'm not one who uses forums and awful lot. Until I got pregnant. There is something rather addictive about pregnancy forums. When I was expecting with Cubling, from early pregnancy onwards, my preferred forum was on Bounty - I think at the time it was the only decent parent forum at the time and I ended up spending an awful lot of time there. Any question that came up, whether on pregnancy, going overdue, birth, hypnobirthing, real nappies, breastfeeding, colic, becoming a parent, weaning - it got answered there first. The instant nature of the forum, the fact that so many other people were using it insured that you would get support, a good answer and a bit of fun out of it, it was addictive and just fab.

And I was back on when I miscarried, and then when trying to conceive as a now definitely older woman. Again, it was great to be able to ask many odd questions, questions that I didn't really dare anywhere else. Finally, when pregnant again with Tiddler, it was the place where I could secretly share my joy of being pregnant again, moan about that terrible nausea that made me rather sure that this time things were going rather well (but rather desperate how I would cope without being able to let people know(. I'm sure I saved my friends and colleagues many a moan by letting it out on the forums.

Of course there's more to Bounty then the forums, for example you can get updates on the stages of your pregnancy, another feature that worked like magic for me in my first pregnancy. Well, I still read these updates now but the novelty isn't quite the same as first time around. And while trying to conceive, I think I must have learned the signs of pregnancy off by heart, considering I looked at them every month trying to figure out whether I could be pregnant.

The Bounty site definitely worked a treat for me, and I'm happy to recommend it to all expectant parents. Have a look, it may work for you.