Dear so and so - from the Scottish snow

Oh I love the dear so and so's, so here's my take on them:

Dear bin men,

I realise that this weather makes things a bit difficult. However, considering I too have to run errands and manage with my car, it would be ever so pleasant if you could turn up this week because we're really rather drowning in rubbish.

Yours in anticipation


Dear Snowflake,

It's lovely to cuddle with you all the time, and I realise you really needed lots of cuddles when you were ill. It's also great you've got such a healthy appetite. How about we strike a deal and I'm ok for you to feed every hour during the night as long as you let me sleep on my back rather than on my side cuddling you in between feeds? That would do my shoulder and arm a whole lot of good, and I'd also worry much less about rolling on top of you by accident.

You may continue to sleep in the sling during the day. However, have you tried sleeping in your cot or pram yet? It's pretty comfy too. I bought you lovely new mattresses for both. You really don't need to get a fright as soon as I try to lay you onto a mattress.

Your loving mummy


Dear new neighbour,

I'm very  happy to take your delivery of online orders if you're out. Even if it's a massive Amazon package that takes up half of our hall. You are very welcome to pick it up any time soon. Just ring the doorbell.
PS. we tried to deliver it to you but although your lights were on and your storm door was open, you didn't seem to be in.

Your next door neighbour


Dear Cubling,

I know you love to play with me and that I'm your bestest friend. I love you too, a lot actually. But even being your best friend doesn't have to mean you have to trail behind me every minute of the day. You may occasionally play with your toys without mummy's help. It's also really much easier to get Snowflake to sleep if you don't jump up and down beside me (and her) or peek into her cot as she struggles to nod off. In fact, if you left me to do the putting her down for her nap job by myself, I could actually play with you while she's asleep.

It would also be fabulous if you would start feeding yourself soon, aren't you a big girl now at 3 3/4 years of age?

Your bestest but slightly fraught friend, mummy.


Dear vegetable box scheme,

I understand that you may be snowed in. It would be really nice if you could let me know when the next delivery will be - just so we can plan our shopping a bit.

Your hungry customer


Dear loft insulators,

It was rather nice that you let me know of your intention to insulate our loft three weeks ago. We duly cleared the loft as requested. But, pray tell me, where are you?

Yours from underneath a heap of (cold) dust and stuff Cartside