One of the most laudable initiatives to encourage a work - life balance that suits parents is that of flexible working hours. In theory at least. When I got pregnant, I had just changed to a new, permanent post. Part (and I stress part!) of the attraction of the new post which made me change jobs while pregnant and willingly relinquish the right to additional maternity leave was the greater job security (for once not an annually funded job in the voluntary sector) and the knowledge that a bigger organisation might be able to accommodate flexible working hours.
Upon my return, I reduced my hours to a four day week, which was hard at first but now suits me perfectly. Well, I sometimes wonder if a 3 day working week would be closer to perfection but on the whole, I'm happy with the arrangement.
Then there was a massive restructure of the organisation, one that got rid of my job. So for a while I was looking for a new job, while still hoping that there would be a different job for me in the new structure (which there was). When I was applying for jobs it became crystal clear that flexible working hours are fabulous if you are already in a job when you have a baby. However, if you want to change to a new job, things aren't so rosy. It's down to two options: you either take a well paid full time job, or a badly paid part time job. As to the badly paid part time job, they aren't just badly paid because you'll only work 2 1/2 days a week. Even the pro rata equivalent is significantly lower than a comparable full time job. My idea to land a full time job and then ask for job share or a four day week were illusionary at best. While I was confident that this was an option, the first post interview indication that I was hoping to do a 4 day week was greeted with great surprise and maybe was the reason why I didn't get the job.
Effectively, flexible working hours are only an option if you are already in a job (and your employer is kind). For those looking for employment, particularly those who have kids first and then look at a career, the outlook is dire. Underpaid part time jobs, sessional work or minimum wage are the price you pay for trying to spend some quality time with your children while still being economically active.
Effectively, because most people looking for flexible working hours are mothers (but clearly all fathers looking for flexible working hours are as affected by this), this situation leads to unequal pay for working mothers.
The root of the problem, in my view is that we are still entrenched in a 9-5 work pattern where flexibility is undesirable, although it may in fact be more efficient (for my part, I'm sure I work more intensely in the 4 days that I've got and that my employer is getting a good deal out of me). Maybe a bit of awareness raising around this issue might not be a bad thing, or an encouragement or even legal obligation for employers to offer any desired working hours set-up for new recruits, including one that would enable single parents to work from 9.30-2.30, i.e. during school hours.
It would be one step in the right direction towards enabling mothers to take up suitable and appropriately paid employment.
What about you? Are you on flexible working hours? What has been your experience? Have you changed jobs looking for flexible working hours? Did you have to accept a lower salary? I'd love to hear from you.
Mummy do that!
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Saturday, 23 January 2010
Of birds and buttons (Review)
I'm not having my best time blogging at the moment. Partly it's due to a rather busy time at work, I'm shattered in the evening and just about manage to read blogs, not to write anything. There's a few posts waiting, such as one that's waiting for two buttons to be sewn on a dress, just that I can't remember where I put the beautiful buttons I'd bought for it.So in the absence of my usual witty self (ahem), how about a long over due review? Ah go on, you must be up for it, haven't done one in a long time!
Well, the Cartside home has been sent the most recent instalment of 3rd & Bird DVDs, A very squooky Christmas. Don't worry, it's not all christmassy and the DVD is definitely full of stuff that's all good for the non Christmas time, i.e. most of the year. To be fair, we didn't manage to watch it before Christmas (or if we did, I wasn't party) and Cubling was rather pleased to get a Christmas story even after we'd cleared away all (ok, most) of the Christmas decoration and defered Christmas book back to cupboards.
3rd and Bird rocks. Or rather, tweets and sqooks. Cubling loves it, she sings along, interacts when she sees it, loves the poster that came it and is generally a big fan. She's not 3 yet, so not even the target age which I believe is more like 3-5 years. 3rd and Bird, in case you don't know, is a community of birds, who all live on the same tree, their neighbourhood. They help each other out where they can and generally are a very happy, picture perfect community of birds. And who wouldn't like to live in such a lovely environment? So the birds teach us about how to help each other, how to achieve things together if on your own it doesn't quite work, and I don't cease to be amazed at how a simple children's programme actually explains something we're trying to do at work much more eloquently.
The images are beautiful, colourful yet not too simplistic. And there's lots and lots of singalong songs. Cubling hums, sings and dances, she loves music and that definitely also attracts her to 3rd & Bird.
The DVD has 90 minutes worth of stories and extras, and most episodes aren't seasonal. It's a definite thumbs up and I'm sure it's going to last us until next Christmas so that the sqooky Christmas gets another instalment too. Don't forget to check out 3rd & Bird's webpage, where the image is taken from.
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Bilingual Carnival Time
Just a short note to point you towards this month's blogging carnival on raising bilingual children, which this time can be found over at Bilingual Readers. If you're interested in contributing to or hosting future bilingualism carnivals, please head over here. There are great post to be read at the bilingual carnival, so enjoy while I'm being a bit thin on the ground with posts.
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
when on holiday...
Now that I've survived my first two days back at work after a full month off (how did that happen and where did the month go?), it's surely high time to share some of my favourite moments of our holiday. I know, I'm a real grouch to complain about our involuntary extended stay, so just to set the balance right: we did have a lovely time, the weather was generally perfect and I truly managed to catch up on about 3 years of sleep deprivation. There were nights where I slept 11 hours. Bliss (then the cough started and I slept about 3 hours a night in 50 instalments, at least that's what it felt like, but nevermind).
There were real special moments, for example when Cubling declared "I love Opa!", whom we visited every day. Sometimes even in time for a beautifully cheesy sunset view from his balcony:
Lots of time was spent on the beach because Cubling also declared "I love Strand!":
And she was clearly also fascinated by the sea, which she called river for almost the entire two weeks. Yes, we live near rivers, but this is the sea (can you hear me singing the Waterboys tune?). There were endless chases with waves and mostly, Cubling won. Just sometimes she didn't and the tears were the size of crocodiles.
I think the photo above might be her enchanting the sea. There was lots of quality daddy time, who was a great builder of big holes and what better can there be than building big holes and then...
of course, jumping in!
Of course, you can also draw in the wet volcanic sand. Buses for examples, while singing "the wheels on the bus"; such lovely symmetry between father and daughter:
There were real special moments, for example when Cubling declared "I love Opa!", whom we visited every day. Sometimes even in time for a beautifully cheesy sunset view from his balcony:
Lots of time was spent on the beach because Cubling also declared "I love Strand!":
And she was clearly also fascinated by the sea, which she called river for almost the entire two weeks. Yes, we live near rivers, but this is the sea (can you hear me singing the Waterboys tune?). There were endless chases with waves and mostly, Cubling won. Just sometimes she didn't and the tears were the size of crocodiles.
I think the photo above might be her enchanting the sea. There was lots of quality daddy time, who was a great builder of big holes and what better can there be than building big holes and then...
of course, jumping in!
Of course, you can also draw in the wet volcanic sand. Buses for examples, while singing "the wheels on the bus"; such lovely symmetry between father and daughter:
Saturday, 16 January 2010
Support for Haitians
While on Lanzarote, we had TV. Skynews and CNN to be precise and all there was during our last days was the devastation of the earthquake that hit Haiti so close to the capital. The TV was on and off, the pictures were so horrible I could only watch with a distance, and the images were so many and awful that I actually didn't want to see them all but couldn't not watch either. Because really, the fact that an earthquake of that magnitude hit so close to the capital of a very poor country speaks enough. You don't need images to imagine what this means in reality.
Once again, natural disaster has hit the poorest. So the need is dire. I urge you to find out a bit more about Haiti - it's a country with an amazing spirit, a country that can pride itself with a revolt of slaves that overturned the colonial powers. Of course it's also a history of continued meddling by external nations and I don't think anyone will have summarised it as succinctly and forcefully as Clairwil in this post.
It makes me all the angrier that this earthquake struck in a country and hit people who really and truly have been hit enough by so many adverse forces that have kept a spirited people in an awful situation as it was.
We can't rewrite history, but the bottom line is that livelihoods have been destroyed, people have lost loved ones and are confronted with hunger, lack of water, disease to make a horrendous situation worse. I'm not one who tries to imagine what life is like for the survivors, because the suffering is beyond imagination. You've seen the reports and images, what more can I add to this?
There are many ways that you, yes you, can help. Some Mummy Bloggers have set up a Just Giving page for Shelter Boxes to be sent to Haiti. I like the idea that the boxes give families the tools to somehow support themselves in this crisis situation and don't forget the needs of children by adding a few crayons to the survival kit. However, I also think that the DEC is good at coordinating experienced charities in emergencies, including Save the Children who are part of DEC. So you can donate to DEC and they'll distribute the money as they see fit, or to a charity of your choice such as Save the Children if you're particularly concerned about helping children and their families in this emergency. It's up to you which route you find preferrable but please, reach out to the people who really and truly haven't deserved this and need your help and donate as much as you feel able to.
Once again, natural disaster has hit the poorest. So the need is dire. I urge you to find out a bit more about Haiti - it's a country with an amazing spirit, a country that can pride itself with a revolt of slaves that overturned the colonial powers. Of course it's also a history of continued meddling by external nations and I don't think anyone will have summarised it as succinctly and forcefully as Clairwil in this post.
It makes me all the angrier that this earthquake struck in a country and hit people who really and truly have been hit enough by so many adverse forces that have kept a spirited people in an awful situation as it was.
We can't rewrite history, but the bottom line is that livelihoods have been destroyed, people have lost loved ones and are confronted with hunger, lack of water, disease to make a horrendous situation worse. I'm not one who tries to imagine what life is like for the survivors, because the suffering is beyond imagination. You've seen the reports and images, what more can I add to this?
There are many ways that you, yes you, can help. Some Mummy Bloggers have set up a Just Giving page for Shelter Boxes to be sent to Haiti. I like the idea that the boxes give families the tools to somehow support themselves in this crisis situation and don't forget the needs of children by adding a few crayons to the survival kit. However, I also think that the DEC is good at coordinating experienced charities in emergencies, including Save the Children who are part of DEC. So you can donate to DEC and they'll distribute the money as they see fit, or to a charity of your choice such as Save the Children if you're particularly concerned about helping children and their families in this emergency. It's up to you which route you find preferrable but please, reach out to the people who really and truly haven't deserved this and need your help and donate as much as you feel able to.
Wednesday, 13 January 2010
Literally Stranded
Well, if you follow me on Twitter or are a Facebook friend, you´ll already know. Thanks to the cold spell in the UK we are literally stranded in Lanzarote. Which is kind of weird, it being all hot and sunny, it´s hard to imagine that the reason for our extended and involuntary second week here is in fact snow and ice in Scotland.
As this is also a very busy time at work indeed, I´ve got a feeling that even on our return, which hopefully will be very soon, blogging will have to step back just a little bit. I´m amazed that I actually managed a fortnight away from this screen. What I miss most is that I wasn´t able to keep up with my favourite blogs, except for a couple which I just have to read. Reassuring that I´m not addicted to blogging just yet.
What I miss most is that I never brought my knitting needles, I didn´t think I´d need them for a week´s holiday, now it´s two weeks and the one book I brought is read and all the other books I can find bore me endlessly. It´s a funny old world, I love to travel, I love Spain, but in spite of having been brought up in a family where beach holidays were an annual event (well, from when I was seven or so), I never liked them, and still don´t. I´ve always been one who enjoyed discovering new places as a backpack tourist, or staying in new cities until I knew them like the palm of my hand. Even as a child, the annual trip to the Spanish seaside always felt long, boring and a bit pointless.
So we trail between beach, pool, restaurant, cafe, another beach, another cafe, my dad´s appartment and ours, endlessly, in a different and not exactly inspiring routine. Cubling enjoys this beyond words, and there´s joy to be had from her sense of wonder. She draws on wet sand, digs holes, asks neverending questions of why where what, chases waves and splashes in the "wee pool". It´s a delight to watch her. At the same time, all I want just now is to cuddle up at home, get the heating on and a proper cup of tea from my favourite mug, and enjoy a few rows of knitting, a few lines of blogging, and getting my teeth into the very challenging piece of work that lies ahead of me.
Yet still, I´m willing to enjoy this unforseen and unwanted time in a special place as much as I can. And I can´t wait to share some of the best moments with you once the going rate for internet access is less forbidding and I can upload some of the photos I took.
As this is also a very busy time at work indeed, I´ve got a feeling that even on our return, which hopefully will be very soon, blogging will have to step back just a little bit. I´m amazed that I actually managed a fortnight away from this screen. What I miss most is that I wasn´t able to keep up with my favourite blogs, except for a couple which I just have to read. Reassuring that I´m not addicted to blogging just yet.
What I miss most is that I never brought my knitting needles, I didn´t think I´d need them for a week´s holiday, now it´s two weeks and the one book I brought is read and all the other books I can find bore me endlessly. It´s a funny old world, I love to travel, I love Spain, but in spite of having been brought up in a family where beach holidays were an annual event (well, from when I was seven or so), I never liked them, and still don´t. I´ve always been one who enjoyed discovering new places as a backpack tourist, or staying in new cities until I knew them like the palm of my hand. Even as a child, the annual trip to the Spanish seaside always felt long, boring and a bit pointless.
So we trail between beach, pool, restaurant, cafe, another beach, another cafe, my dad´s appartment and ours, endlessly, in a different and not exactly inspiring routine. Cubling enjoys this beyond words, and there´s joy to be had from her sense of wonder. She draws on wet sand, digs holes, asks neverending questions of why where what, chases waves and splashes in the "wee pool". It´s a delight to watch her. At the same time, all I want just now is to cuddle up at home, get the heating on and a proper cup of tea from my favourite mug, and enjoy a few rows of knitting, a few lines of blogging, and getting my teeth into the very challenging piece of work that lies ahead of me.
Yet still, I´m willing to enjoy this unforseen and unwanted time in a special place as much as I can. And I can´t wait to share some of the best moments with you once the going rate for internet access is less forbidding and I can upload some of the photos I took.
Thursday, 31 December 2009
Good bye 2009 - a linked year
I'm not in a reflective mood, and even didn't intend to post tonight. Yet here I am sat and reading some amazing posts in my reader. Some moved me to tears, some made me realise that I hadn't followed a blog as closely as I should have. I don't want to reflect too much simply because 2009 wasn't a good year and on the eve of our well deserved holiday I'm not in the mood to let anything bring me down. However, I quite liked Little Mummy Erica's idea of linking to some of her key posts over the year, and sneakily I'm stealing her idea (sorry!). It's particularly useful at this time as I'll be off to sunny shores for a week and won't take my notebook (honestly!), so the selection of links may keep you entertained for the next week or so.
2009 went something like this for me:
On Christmas Day 2008, my brother in law died suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving behind his pregnant wife and son who turned two just a few days after. I was stunned and struck with grief for the loss of this wonderful man whose life was cut more than short. Words can't describe the loss, so I struggled for months to even mention it on my blog. Most weeks for the whole of 2009, I spent my three days off work at my sister in law's, or she stayed with us.
Also still in December 2008, I started a new job in a new office, but still with the same organisation and in a similar role. Due to a restructure, I now no longer work with asylum seeking and refugee children. Instead my work focuses on ending child poverty in the UK. As a last effort to make a difference for the people I used to work with, I sent out the Christmas Toy appeal on my blog and I summarised the fabulous the result in January 2009.
In February 2009 I had an idea to put together a fundraising book. The idea slowly took shape to become a hat pattern book to knit and crochet and is now available as a Lulu and Ravelry ebook and a real book.
My amazing daughter turned two in March and it really felt like a watershed. I also found out I was pregnant.
April: I moved bloghosts from cartside.civiblog.com to mummydothat.blogspot.com, becoming a "mummy blogger" in the process. So much changed because of this move, suddenly, I quadrupled my readership and actually got comments! More importantly, I discovered so many amazing blogs so that blogging became an even bigger part of my life. I also started pondering about how to best make our bilingual household work for my daughter. I think it was also April that I finally got myself a digital SLR and rediscovered my love for photography. Not that it was ever gone, but now there were endless possibilities.
At the end of May, I miscarried at just 2 days short of 12 weeks pregnant.
June was a frenzy of activity, maybe to get rid of the what if's in my head? I do have a tendency to go into mad chicken mode when confronted with something that may depress me, it's my way of keeping my mind in its right place. So, I tried to lose weight (and failed), I pondered on why advocating breast-feeding is really important, I pledged for Recycle Week and almost succeeded, and shared some of my work projects.
In July, at least some part of my garden, namely the raised beds, were taking shape, we spent our one day summer holiday on the lovely isle of Cumbrae, and Scotland Secretary Jim Murphy listened to the questions primary school children asked the government.
August held the first bilingual carnival in store. After all my searches for bloggers who blog on bilingualism and raising their children bilingually, I found that while there were great blogs, they weren't connected. And really, we were all experiencing similar difficulties. So the carnival was conceived and it's still going strong. Above all, I witnessed the birth of my niece which was a very emotional and special experience. I also looked back on various stages of being a mother, finding out I was pregnant, my breast-feeding experience, maternity leave and changing jobs while pregnant.
In September, A Hat in Time finally went on sale, I tried to give hope to those parents who like me have a baby/toddler who won't sleep through and that it can change, and I met some great Scottish bloggers for lunch.
October held my second trip to Germany for the year, just four days, but I brought home enough to keep me entertained for the winter. I also looked back once again on what the choices are if you are a 10 month mama. Oh, and I walked the fire of course!
November was full of seasonal events. We were rather busy to be honest: Fireworks, St Martin's Lantern Parade, and lots of getting prepared for Christmas. It continued into December with lots of baking, and an attempt to create a Christmassy Craft Advent Calendar with 24 entries - I'm 5 short so if you have a project you'd like to share for next year, please feel free to still add it. I also pondered on the bigger picture, and on thoughtless consumerism.
I've left out any links to my knitting projects, which is odd, because knitting does have a very secure place in my life an on this blog, so here's at least a link to my biggest and favourite project.
For the new year, I hope that the sense of loss will be at least partially replaced by joy and the ability to let the beauty of life into our hearts. Cheers. We'll be waving from the aeroplane tomorrow then ;)
Wishing you all a great 2010, may it bring happiness, joy, strength and purpose.
2009 went something like this for me:
On Christmas Day 2008, my brother in law died suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving behind his pregnant wife and son who turned two just a few days after. I was stunned and struck with grief for the loss of this wonderful man whose life was cut more than short. Words can't describe the loss, so I struggled for months to even mention it on my blog. Most weeks for the whole of 2009, I spent my three days off work at my sister in law's, or she stayed with us.
Also still in December 2008, I started a new job in a new office, but still with the same organisation and in a similar role. Due to a restructure, I now no longer work with asylum seeking and refugee children. Instead my work focuses on ending child poverty in the UK. As a last effort to make a difference for the people I used to work with, I sent out the Christmas Toy appeal on my blog and I summarised the fabulous the result in January 2009.
In February 2009 I had an idea to put together a fundraising book. The idea slowly took shape to become a hat pattern book to knit and crochet and is now available as a Lulu and Ravelry ebook and a real book.
My amazing daughter turned two in March and it really felt like a watershed. I also found out I was pregnant.
April: I moved bloghosts from cartside.civiblog.com to mummydothat.blogspot.com, becoming a "mummy blogger" in the process. So much changed because of this move, suddenly, I quadrupled my readership and actually got comments! More importantly, I discovered so many amazing blogs so that blogging became an even bigger part of my life. I also started pondering about how to best make our bilingual household work for my daughter. I think it was also April that I finally got myself a digital SLR and rediscovered my love for photography. Not that it was ever gone, but now there were endless possibilities.
At the end of May, I miscarried at just 2 days short of 12 weeks pregnant.
June was a frenzy of activity, maybe to get rid of the what if's in my head? I do have a tendency to go into mad chicken mode when confronted with something that may depress me, it's my way of keeping my mind in its right place. So, I tried to lose weight (and failed), I pondered on why advocating breast-feeding is really important, I pledged for Recycle Week and almost succeeded, and shared some of my work projects.
In July, at least some part of my garden, namely the raised beds, were taking shape, we spent our one day summer holiday on the lovely isle of Cumbrae, and Scotland Secretary Jim Murphy listened to the questions primary school children asked the government.
August held the first bilingual carnival in store. After all my searches for bloggers who blog on bilingualism and raising their children bilingually, I found that while there were great blogs, they weren't connected. And really, we were all experiencing similar difficulties. So the carnival was conceived and it's still going strong. Above all, I witnessed the birth of my niece which was a very emotional and special experience. I also looked back on various stages of being a mother, finding out I was pregnant, my breast-feeding experience, maternity leave and changing jobs while pregnant.
In September, A Hat in Time finally went on sale, I tried to give hope to those parents who like me have a baby/toddler who won't sleep through and that it can change, and I met some great Scottish bloggers for lunch.
October held my second trip to Germany for the year, just four days, but I brought home enough to keep me entertained for the winter. I also looked back once again on what the choices are if you are a 10 month mama. Oh, and I walked the fire of course!
November was full of seasonal events. We were rather busy to be honest: Fireworks, St Martin's Lantern Parade, and lots of getting prepared for Christmas. It continued into December with lots of baking, and an attempt to create a Christmassy Craft Advent Calendar with 24 entries - I'm 5 short so if you have a project you'd like to share for next year, please feel free to still add it. I also pondered on the bigger picture, and on thoughtless consumerism.
I've left out any links to my knitting projects, which is odd, because knitting does have a very secure place in my life an on this blog, so here's at least a link to my biggest and favourite project.
For the new year, I hope that the sense of loss will be at least partially replaced by joy and the ability to let the beauty of life into our hearts. Cheers. We'll be waving from the aeroplane tomorrow then ;)
Wishing you all a great 2010, may it bring happiness, joy, strength and purpose.
Wednesday, 30 December 2009
potty training 10 days down
While I'm still knitting like a mad hatter in a race against time, I also need a little break, and possibly, some advice. So here is one last post before we head 4 air hours south: Something along the lines of an update (or cry for help) on the potty training front.
We're 10 days down the line and I had secretly hoped we could travel without nappies. It's not looking good, and while we have no hold luggage and will be keeping our luggage minimal, I think I'll have to take at least a day's supply of nappies along.
This is our road so far:
We went cold turkey. Nappy off, pants on, skirts and tights, spray disinfectant and terries on hand. Oh and the potty of course. I explained that pee and poo was for the potty or toilet, that she was a big girl now and would get a chocolate if she did either on the potty/toilet. And she'd be a Klokoenig (loo king - that concept is from a German potty training book that we read). The very book also has an episode of the boy unrolling a toilet roll while sat on the toilet. Cubling loves sitting on the toilet and copying him, announcing that this makes her a Klokoenig. Hm, not sure about that one.
Days 1-5:
Cubling really did NOT want to sit on the potty. However, being malleable and easily blackmailed, we managed to get her to sit on it while watching the TV, cuddling mummy, reading books etc.
At the same time, she hated pooing in her pants more than pooing in the potty, so we had 100% success on the no. 2 front.
Success on the pee front: 0%
Days 5-10:
Cubling doesn't mind sitting on the potty but neither particularly likes it. She verbalises that poo and pee go in the potty and that she'll get chocolates for it and will be a Klokoenig and that mummy will even make her a crown. She doesn't want to sit on it for the sake of it, but is happy to be transferred when something is imminent.
However, whenever I ask her if she needs to go, she says no. If I sit her on the potty or toilet, nothing comes. Sometimes she says she needs to and I sit her on the potty for 5 minutes - nothing. Repeat. Repeat. Put pants on. A minute later - that face, whining, "I done pipi!" In the pants/carpet/mummy's favourite Nepalese cushion that is. I try to focus on the success that she seems to be happy to use the potty now and seems to understand what this is about.
Poo continues to work better than wee except when visiting friends and when mummy is not around (Cubling is still rather focused on me). Only one day with 50% of pee success, total fail for all other days. When she does do something in the potty, she is slightly upset and needs lots of reassurance, doesn't want to see the result, but rejoices and celebrates the success. And celebrate we do.
Since we've started, she's been dry at naptime, and amazingly, dry 50% of nights (and she sleeps 12 hours!). She only ever needs to wee 2-3 times a day - so she goes a long time between and definitely can hold her bladder! The problem, in my interpretation, is that she doesn't seem to know how to let go. So she waits until she really can't hold anymore and we don't even make it to the potty. From her little wail to the waterfall coming I have about 5 seconds. Which is not enough most times. She also never verbalises that she needs to go - it's just a particular look of slight terror in her face and this little whinge.
Of all the readiness checklists the one thing that she failed on initially is wanting to use the potty/toilet. I have a feeling that she is quite prepared to do it now and reasonably keen, but she can't judge when she needs to go. She has also so far never done a wee when I sat her on the potty/toilet because I knew she had a full bladder - it's as if she's physiologically unable to actively pee. I'm not sure if that interpretation is right, possible or just daft. Thing is, I know my girl and she is eager to please and I do believe that while she's not entirely comfortable using the potty (which will come with time), she does want to use it to please me (and doesn't enjoy having wet pants). I'm convinced this is not a power struggle but that she's finding the practice really rather difficult.
So, where do we go from here? Is she ready or not? Shall we abort or keep going on our holiday? Are there any tricks to teach her to sit on the potty before she is bursting and how to let go even if she's not got a bladder full to the brim?
We're 10 days down the line and I had secretly hoped we could travel without nappies. It's not looking good, and while we have no hold luggage and will be keeping our luggage minimal, I think I'll have to take at least a day's supply of nappies along.
This is our road so far:
We went cold turkey. Nappy off, pants on, skirts and tights, spray disinfectant and terries on hand. Oh and the potty of course. I explained that pee and poo was for the potty or toilet, that she was a big girl now and would get a chocolate if she did either on the potty/toilet. And she'd be a Klokoenig (loo king - that concept is from a German potty training book that we read). The very book also has an episode of the boy unrolling a toilet roll while sat on the toilet. Cubling loves sitting on the toilet and copying him, announcing that this makes her a Klokoenig. Hm, not sure about that one.
Days 1-5:
Cubling really did NOT want to sit on the potty. However, being malleable and easily blackmailed, we managed to get her to sit on it while watching the TV, cuddling mummy, reading books etc.
At the same time, she hated pooing in her pants more than pooing in the potty, so we had 100% success on the no. 2 front.
Success on the pee front: 0%
Days 5-10:
Cubling doesn't mind sitting on the potty but neither particularly likes it. She verbalises that poo and pee go in the potty and that she'll get chocolates for it and will be a Klokoenig and that mummy will even make her a crown. She doesn't want to sit on it for the sake of it, but is happy to be transferred when something is imminent.
However, whenever I ask her if she needs to go, she says no. If I sit her on the potty or toilet, nothing comes. Sometimes she says she needs to and I sit her on the potty for 5 minutes - nothing. Repeat. Repeat. Put pants on. A minute later - that face, whining, "I done pipi!" In the pants/carpet/mummy's favourite Nepalese cushion that is. I try to focus on the success that she seems to be happy to use the potty now and seems to understand what this is about.
Poo continues to work better than wee except when visiting friends and when mummy is not around (Cubling is still rather focused on me). Only one day with 50% of pee success, total fail for all other days. When she does do something in the potty, she is slightly upset and needs lots of reassurance, doesn't want to see the result, but rejoices and celebrates the success. And celebrate we do.
Since we've started, she's been dry at naptime, and amazingly, dry 50% of nights (and she sleeps 12 hours!). She only ever needs to wee 2-3 times a day - so she goes a long time between and definitely can hold her bladder! The problem, in my interpretation, is that she doesn't seem to know how to let go. So she waits until she really can't hold anymore and we don't even make it to the potty. From her little wail to the waterfall coming I have about 5 seconds. Which is not enough most times. She also never verbalises that she needs to go - it's just a particular look of slight terror in her face and this little whinge.
Of all the readiness checklists the one thing that she failed on initially is wanting to use the potty/toilet. I have a feeling that she is quite prepared to do it now and reasonably keen, but she can't judge when she needs to go. She has also so far never done a wee when I sat her on the potty/toilet because I knew she had a full bladder - it's as if she's physiologically unable to actively pee. I'm not sure if that interpretation is right, possible or just daft. Thing is, I know my girl and she is eager to please and I do believe that while she's not entirely comfortable using the potty (which will come with time), she does want to use it to please me (and doesn't enjoy having wet pants). I'm convinced this is not a power struggle but that she's finding the practice really rather difficult.
So, where do we go from here? Is she ready or not? Shall we abort or keep going on our holiday? Are there any tricks to teach her to sit on the potty before she is bursting and how to let go even if she's not got a bladder full to the brim?
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
Christmas 2010
We spent Christmas in snowy Clackmannanshire, trapped for a day or so until we got the shovels and grit out. Not that we were going anywhere. The kids took all day (in Cubling's cousin's case more than that) to unwrap their presents - they were actually more interested in playing than unwrapping. The magic of Santa worked, milk, carrots, home baked cookies and some reindeer dust made sure Santa came and left rather a lot of presents.
And you know what? I love toddlers. Why? Well, how creative can you get with a barbie doll (can I hasten to add that the doll was not my responsibility) and a crane? I was in stitches. What a fabulous idea!
Christmas for us was also a time of great sadness and loss. So, in a way I'm glad this Christmas is over and done with, and that we got through it in one piece, with the kids having bucketloads of fun. A candle was burning all day and in the evening, we lit paper lanterns and let them rise to the sky. There was a physicality of letting go which couldn't escape me, followed by the fading beauty of the light as it rose towards the moon in the ice cold winter night, before changing direction towards the north east and disappearing from our sight. The lanterns that will not return gave us a moment of beauty, togetherness and mindfulness.
Santa brought a toyshop for Cubling with all the gear, including a very popular ice cream stand and a chip and pin till. We are exposed to endless questions of "what do you want to eat?" before she proceeds to fill the basket with random stuff, as much as will go in, and charges £3 for it every single time, with lots of change handed back too. She takes her new job as shop owner very seriously, making sure all her customers are very happy indeed.
When the temperatures rose to come close to zero, not much time was wasted to make good use of good snow man building snow. Three generations were at it, Grampa, Daddy and Cubling herself. And I discovered the monochrome setting on my camera. Hurray! (I'm not one for reading instructions...).
Once we got up the driveway again, we went home, spending boxing day at home mostly, before setting off to the west coast to visit family and friends who I hadn't seen in a very long time. While on the road between Ayrshire, Renfrewshire, Glasgow and Clackmannanshire, much knitting was done, but oopsy daisy, I did got distracted and did the armhole shaping for a 6 year old, rather than the 4 year old version. So either I'm going to unravel and not have a summer dress ready for our holiday in a few day's time, or I'll pretend it didn't happen, try to fiddle about with it, adjust the back, make a second armhole for 4 year olds and pray it'll not look quite so bad. Haven't decided yet. I keep thinking that really there's not much in it between a 4 year old and a 6 year old armhole, is there? half an inch? Then I wonder how Cubling's 2 year old arm will look in a 6 year old armhole.... Decisions. Bottom line is I'm knitting ferociously to get the dress finished in time for our departure to sunny shores on New Year's Day. Time's running out and it doesn't help that I think I also found some errata in the pattern. Or maybe it's me?
It was lovely to finally have some time to visit family and friends we hadn't seen in a long long time. Some days, I feel very isolated, as if my friends are fading away because there is no time now to speak, meet and generally keep in touch. It's all the more reassuring when such opportunities to visit arise and the threads can be picked up where they were left dangling. Sometimes, time and distance don't matter. Of course, other times they do and it hurts when long standing friendships evaporate in front of my eyes and all my efforts are not enough to keep a good friend.
In between I kept admiring the winter wonderland that this Christmas had to offer. The Cart winding itself through a snowy suburban landscape, fog lingering over it in the sunset. Branches first weighing down heavy with snow, later turning white from frozen dew, a winterscape changing every day. The wide white expanse between Kilbirnie and Lochwinnoch, lochs that held trees prisoners in their frozen waters. The view across towards the majestic snow covered hills of Arran looking down on Cumbrae and Little Cumbrae.
Now then, I shall disappear for a few days in a pile of yarn trying to save that dress and get it ready for our holiday. I'm doubtful that I'll be able to blog on our holiday so it may be quiet on this site for a little while.
And you know what? I love toddlers. Why? Well, how creative can you get with a barbie doll (can I hasten to add that the doll was not my responsibility) and a crane? I was in stitches. What a fabulous idea!
Christmas for us was also a time of great sadness and loss. So, in a way I'm glad this Christmas is over and done with, and that we got through it in one piece, with the kids having bucketloads of fun. A candle was burning all day and in the evening, we lit paper lanterns and let them rise to the sky. There was a physicality of letting go which couldn't escape me, followed by the fading beauty of the light as it rose towards the moon in the ice cold winter night, before changing direction towards the north east and disappearing from our sight. The lanterns that will not return gave us a moment of beauty, togetherness and mindfulness.
Santa brought a toyshop for Cubling with all the gear, including a very popular ice cream stand and a chip and pin till. We are exposed to endless questions of "what do you want to eat?" before she proceeds to fill the basket with random stuff, as much as will go in, and charges £3 for it every single time, with lots of change handed back too. She takes her new job as shop owner very seriously, making sure all her customers are very happy indeed.When the temperatures rose to come close to zero, not much time was wasted to make good use of good snow man building snow. Three generations were at it, Grampa, Daddy and Cubling herself. And I discovered the monochrome setting on my camera. Hurray! (I'm not one for reading instructions...).
Once we got up the driveway again, we went home, spending boxing day at home mostly, before setting off to the west coast to visit family and friends who I hadn't seen in a very long time. While on the road between Ayrshire, Renfrewshire, Glasgow and Clackmannanshire, much knitting was done, but oopsy daisy, I did got distracted and did the armhole shaping for a 6 year old, rather than the 4 year old version. So either I'm going to unravel and not have a summer dress ready for our holiday in a few day's time, or I'll pretend it didn't happen, try to fiddle about with it, adjust the back, make a second armhole for 4 year olds and pray it'll not look quite so bad. Haven't decided yet. I keep thinking that really there's not much in it between a 4 year old and a 6 year old armhole, is there? half an inch? Then I wonder how Cubling's 2 year old arm will look in a 6 year old armhole.... Decisions. Bottom line is I'm knitting ferociously to get the dress finished in time for our departure to sunny shores on New Year's Day. Time's running out and it doesn't help that I think I also found some errata in the pattern. Or maybe it's me?It was lovely to finally have some time to visit family and friends we hadn't seen in a long long time. Some days, I feel very isolated, as if my friends are fading away because there is no time now to speak, meet and generally keep in touch. It's all the more reassuring when such opportunities to visit arise and the threads can be picked up where they were left dangling. Sometimes, time and distance don't matter. Of course, other times they do and it hurts when long standing friendships evaporate in front of my eyes and all my efforts are not enough to keep a good friend.
In between I kept admiring the winter wonderland that this Christmas had to offer. The Cart winding itself through a snowy suburban landscape, fog lingering over it in the sunset. Branches first weighing down heavy with snow, later turning white from frozen dew, a winterscape changing every day. The wide white expanse between Kilbirnie and Lochwinnoch, lochs that held trees prisoners in their frozen waters. The view across towards the majestic snow covered hills of Arran looking down on Cumbrae and Little Cumbrae.
Now then, I shall disappear for a few days in a pile of yarn trying to save that dress and get it ready for our holiday. I'm doubtful that I'll be able to blog on our holiday so it may be quiet on this site for a little while.
Thursday, 24 December 2009
A Christmas Postcard
Wishing you joy, health, warmth and happiness at Christmas, especially if for some reason or another, it doesn't come easy to you. And make sure you don't forget the cookies, milk, carrots and magic reindeer dust.
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