Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Please don't read if you're squeamish

One of the things that's taken up my time is trailing the miscarriage forums in an attempt to find answers of what to expect during a miscarriage - mainly because while I know lots of people who've miscarried, only little information is shared and I was very anxious of what's in store. I'm the kind of person who needs to know to minute detail, to be able to relax a little bit. So I'm posting this for anyone who wishes to know, sparing any gross details!

The answer to my question is of course that there are no hard rules. It's different for each miscarriage. And so is the emotional response. I was doing absolutely fine, only had a few moments of upset when I first felt and knew that things weren't right. After that, I was just fine.

Until I actually miscarried last night. The labour like pain led up to it, it was so bad I had to shout for hubby (whatever he was meant to do, not sure, but I needed someone there with me who I could scream at). Hours of contraction/cramps (literally they were as strong as those I had half way through labour with Cubling) led to two massive contractions at about 8pm with which the gates (cervix?) opened.

I couldn't stop thinking that maybe we shouldn't have watched "There Will Be Blood" the previous night.

I'll spare you the details, suffice to say that I got worried about my blood loss and looked for the little card I'd been given by the Early Pregnancy Assessment Service. It said something about "if you get intense pain or your bleeding increases, contact us". Hm, maybe I should. Actually, maybe I should have contacted them much earlier?

That done, they called me in right away and I spent last night in hospital being monitored, after the worst examination I've ever experienced. Not nice. I'm pleased to say that I seem to cope with the blood loss well physically, but the feeling of passing my baby and the physical side of pain and bleeding seem to have had an emotional affect on me.

I didn't sleep much in hospital, too scared of what might happen. Next morning, a scan to see if I had fully miscarried. I hadn't . There's a blob left which is a tad bigger than it should be for classifying my miscarriage as complete. It made me feel rather angry. You almost did it, blood, pain and tears, but not quite. Nanana nana na.

I was then given the option of having an ERPC (evacuation of retained products of conception, also known as D & C, dilation and curettage) there and then or wait for a week and if the blob was still there, get it done then. Got a run down of risks and what ifs and decided I wanted food and to go home for now. Got breakfast and lunch within an hour of one another (they'd made me fast in case I had to have the ERPC there and then, as it involves a general anethesia), hurray, which made me feel a bit more human again.

Hospital staff were great, really supportive and had lots of time to answer all my questions. I'm worried about the 10% risk of a repeat of last night's experience when the remaining "product of conception" is miscarried. However, the nurse set my mind at peace a little bit by saying that in most likelihood I'd be fine and didn't need an ERPC. Of course there are risks with an ERPC as well, so I think I've made the right decision for now.

There Will Be Hope, Daniel.

PS: This fortnight's British Mummy Bloggers Carnival is on over at I promise that I will do my best. Have a look for a great selection of very different bloggers and their posts.

5 comments:

Metropolitan Mum said...

OMG, I am so sorry to read that. I admire you for your strength to share this and I hope you will find some rest and time to heal. They say time heals all wounds...

Thinking of you,
x MM

zooarchaeologist said...

Sounds like you are coping with all this remarkably well. Thank you for sharing it with us, it makes me re-evaluate my own life and realise how lucky I have been.
You and your husband will come through all of this stronger people and im sure that when the time is right cubling will have a sibling.
Chin up, stay brave, im thinking of you xx

cartside said...

Thanks MM and Claire. I'm very lucky too, I have Cubling, and I now realise again how precious she is! And Husband. And lots of lovely people looking after me at the moment.

amy said...

theres an award for you over at mine hopefully to make you smile a little x x

Irish Mammy said...

So sorry, big virtual hug to you,
Irish Mammy xx

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